Reflection

GOOD MONDAY MORNING EVERYONE!

Today is another good day to enjoy our beautiful summer.  I always relish the beginning of a new month. For me today is a chance to ‘aimstorm’ all those things I want to accomplish in the coming days of August.  Often a brand-new month provides me with a reset when I have veered off my morning routine of 30-30-30 (Yoga- Meditation-Journaling) to consciously begin my days and the new month gets me back on track.  A new beginning is also chance to take time to reflect on where I am and where I am going in my life in the next thirty days. 

Since publishing the book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind Tracy and I have been travelling at a blistering pace in our quest to gain readers and help change the culture of violence against women and children in our society. It has been exhausting and sometimes heartbreaking for in this process we have heard many stories of women relating their own personal challenges with separation, divorce and sharing custody or from those still too frightened to leave abusive relationships or who have left and relate to Tracy’s experience.  
Others commend Tracy for her courage in telling her story and calling out systems that she believes could have created a different outcome for her and her sons.  Some write to tell us they have difficulty reading the book because it is too sad or …..triggers experiences from their past that they have pushed out of their consciousness.  

The other day I spoke with a woman who said “At first the book was a difficult read because it brought up many memories of things I had experienced in leaving an abusive partner and my heart raced when I realized Tracy’s story could have been mine!   However, if a person can keep reading past the initial part of the book it is amazing how much one can learn as I know I did in dealing with my own ‘crazy-making’  situation.  I learned little things that helped me be more grounded, more ‘regulated.’ I too felt the Justice system and Child Services system failed me.’  Another woman shared her belief that talking about abuse should not be confined only to the Family Violence month of November. A medical doctor shared that he found the book helpful in understanding how trauma can be effectively treated, his strong take aways being that trauma resides in the body rather than the experience.  That talk therapy and/or medication can be an important aspect of treatment but only part in the healing process of dealing with traumatic experiences. Another woman shared that having a therapeutic relationship detailed in the book was helpful for her in her reading as she sometimes put herself in the ‘blue chair’ as I interacted with Tracy. She stated she learned some things about managing her own stress responses by what transpired between a trauma therapist and a client.  There are many facets to this book which I hope will encourage others to move forward in the reading of this mother’s story of not only a tragedy but of a path of healing as well.

Another area of focus in the book is the tremendous sense of community from all those who reached out to Tracy following the death of Ryder and Radek and who continually provide accolades for the book and loving texts and emails to Tracy as my co-writer continues to walk the walk with her boys in a different way now they are no longer physically present in her life.
Leaving Whitecourt was far more difficult than she imagined it would be as the community has been such a critical part of her support system since the boys died.   She says however  “They are still my boys.  I am still in a relationship with them.  It is just different now as I focus on sharing their story with the world!”  It is her supreme goal to ensure their short presence on earth makes a difference in the lives of other mothers and children. The continued encouragement of friends and strangers alike inspires us to continue promoting the book and is fundamental in creating awareness of the need for change in how relationship breakdowns and disruptions are legally managed.  The adversarial legal system of ending relationships is obviously not working well and with forty per cent of marriages ending in divorce we need to explore alternatives.  More on this is a future blog.

There are so many individuals and groups purchasing the book and sharing their comments, 95% of which are extremely positive.   We are grateful as we bring but one story into the mass consciousness in hopes that by bringing awareness to the serious issue of the abuse of women and children into everyday conversations, we as a society can change laws, procedures and policies that failed Tracy Stark in her attempts to protect her children.  When we do not speak or avoid reading or talking about such things, they do not disappear.  We as women and the men who seriously love us need to speak out to bring such consciousness to those in positions of influence to change laws, policies and procedures that failed a mother and her two children and which fail many others. That a woman and her children need to be housed in ‘protective custody’ while their abuser walks the streets or continues to clandestinely terrorize those they have been abused while waiting for a ‘fair trial’ is a travesty beyond comprehension!  

The month of August will provide me time for reflection, renewal and reconnection with those who have honored my passion and the time I have taken away from my family and friends in writing Tracy’s story.  Time to reconnect with those who have been so patient with me and my endeavor. Please tune in to my next blog come September as I take an August break from writing.   May you share the book with others to increase our reach and we always welcome strategies to expand our readership!

AND…may August also bring you the reader some powerful moments of reflection regarding how you can personally change the ‘culture’ and ‘the language’ of violence in your personal world or that of our society by recognizing the importance of using your voice when you engage in, witness or hear of such abuse in your own sphere of influence. 
                                    
                                                                                                                        LOVE, SANDRA

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