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R&R Hot Stove - It's a good day to have a good day

11/28/2022

Good Monday Morning Early Risers! Finally, I have the right day and right time to bring readers my thoughts as I write my final R & R Hot Stove column. In May of 2017 I began my 5 a.m. journey with Canadian guru and writer Robin Sharma where I began the 20-20-20 – 20 minutes of exercise, 20 of journaling and 20 minutes of meditation. It has been an incredible way to begin my days and today as I write my last R & R Hot Stove column, I reflect on how far we have come in telling the Radek and Ryder story and that of their beautiful mother Tracy Stark.

It was in April of 2019 that Tracy asked me to write her story and that of her boys whose lives on earth had come to an end on that fateful day of December 19, 2016. For three years of my writing journey with Tracy that 5 am slot became routine. YOGA*JOURNALING*MEDITATION……. then .. at my computer with the writing of the book GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND. Unless of course, I even looked at my computer before I made it to my yoga mat! It was a continual challenge as I was so eager to write that next line, that next page! It was in the silence of those early mornings when the ideas flowed, the words connected and my writing journey with Tracy took me to another level of engagement with the written word. I would send Tracy a ton of questions to answer. I would explore her posts on FACEBOOK. Then I would take what she had written and weave such information into our therapeutic sessions as we travelled together on this rocky road, as the back cover of the book says, of TRAGEDY*COURAGE*RESILIENCE*HOPE.

We worked well together, she and I. Being Tracy’s therapist, I knew the risk of retraumatization by my client in having her continually repeat the story and was gentle and slowly able to guide my client by titrating her experiences, dealing extra cautiously with the traumatic pieces and never rushing the process. Hence it was a three-year trek before the book could be released.

There were times when Tracy would disappear on me and I understood why. Sometimes I nearly went insane as I sometimes waited for her responses wondering, always wondering if it was simply going to be too damn hard for her or if she had changed her mind about sharing the intimate details of her life. But then…she would reappear with that big beautiful big smile and determination - ready to continue our work together to change the world one reader at a time! My guts would unclench again and we would continue our work together.

I also knew that I too could be vicariously traumatized as I learned the ‘rest of the story’ in depth and my self-care was paramount. My 20-20-20 and our simple yet profound mantra of TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY in beginning or ending our texts was also a habit that sparked our focus to tell our story as therapist and client. Tracy gave me the facts and the strong emotion connected with the anger and despair of a mother losing that most precious earthly connection with her sons who she loved more than life itself. I added the ‘color’ to the acute expressions of both devastating despair and rage that I experienced with Tracy as she sat in my Blue Chair. We processed her undying love and continued connection with her boys that I also had the privilege of witnessing sitting in sessions with my client as we processed the agony of her sorrow and the tenderness of that love for her sons as she shared her memories of these precious boys and their stories.

Just two women – one a seasoned grandmother, the other a heartbroken Little Mama - sitting together – both determined to work through the trauma so unsettled in the nervous system of my client. It was long and repetitive work to decrease the activation, track the breath, feel the support of the chair and be fully present to this brave woman in the confines of our space together.

My client begins to move forward, heavily focused on fulfilling the promise she made to the boys on the night they died. The promise that their lives would make a difference in the lives of other children. I am sure that that night the idea of writing a book was not on her mind in any way, shape or form. Her job was simply to grieve and grieve well and she started that process with the many many beautiful people she greeted one by one, many times being the one providing the comfort for those loving friends and acquaintances who graced her doorstep in the hours, days and months following their deaths. However, her healing evolved week by challenging week and setbacks continued with key dates or experiences as the pain of loss continued within my client.

Then she asked me to write her story from my perspective as her therapist. At first as those who have read the book know, I said no. I said she needed a professional writer. It was such a dynamic and powerful story to share! Tracy insisted it was me rather than a professional writer as we were walking this journey together and I knew her better than anyone. She was a powerful force in that counselling room that day. I gave myself 24 hours as they do in hockey when there is a critical issue to solve. Of course, I did not sleep on it. My mind raced all night with possibilities and I obviously by the evidence here, I acquiesced! There have been many taxing and difficult moments in our work to bring the book into the world. We sometimes had different ways of looking at things but I believe the respect for our differences and each other helped us in creating a powerful message for our readers and that continues to permeate our interactions in all aspects of our relationship as co-writers. Tracy Stark? I call her McTracy because of her tenacity and startling moves. I am privileged to have assisted on a great number of goals with her as my first line centre and other stand outs on our team.

Friesen Press consultant Jess Feser was truly remarkable with her calm and caring presence throughout the writing and publishing of the book by two neophyte writers who had never had such an experience. Editor Rhonda Hayter proved beyond excellent in her perceptions of what needed to be central in the writing of Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind although her feedback was one of the hardest times for me in January of 2020 when she turned my sequencing and focus upside down…to make the book flow better. She was right and our book became even more poignant with her input!

Our Self-Publishing Journey had its difficult moments as well but….we survived and we began to fully recognize and get very excited with what we had achieved. Each day as we got closer to publishing day our guts were full of terror that the books would not arrive before our planned book launches.

The Woodlands Press ran a great full page article courtesy of Lorraine Jackson, the first to grab our story! The Whitecourt Star followed with the fine article and picture by columnist Brad Quarin. The Whitecourt Press included a feature with the excellence of Serena LaPointe.  Needless to say….we were on fire!

And then ….one fine spring day unbeknownst to us the books were delivered en masse to Tracy’s door! 2500 of them! We were soon dancing on air, sniffing the pages of our beautifully constructed books! And then….. the reality of the work ahead loomed even larger! The questions came. How now do we continue to get the word out? We were already promoting the book and encouraging sales at Amazon and Friesen Press on social media. Then like a miracle…Enter Juliana DeWinetz, one of my precious soul sisters who introduced me to marketing guru Donna Zazulak of Edmonton, AB. Donna brought her expertise to the table and we were able to tell our story and be featured on many high-profile media outlets – CBC TV & Radio, Global News, Kerry Dahl’s podcast The Inner Circle, and Edmonton Journal’s Nick Lees columns due to Donna’s influence and of course Tracy’s incredible story. Thus our marketing started with a huge bang in the spring of 2022.

As well Donna’s connections with Wolfe Cadillac allowed us the privilege of having our first Book Launch at the beautiful Wolfe Cadillac Dealership in Edmonton and connected us with their team of wonderful people including Ashley Wolfe in Calgary. The Book Launch proved an excellent beginning for many many new and old friends who have become ambassadors of our mission.

It is our hope of course that our readers of the book will recognize the importance of speaking out about family violence. May all those formally and informally invested in ending
Family Violence join together in speaking out about such travesties in our communities not only in Alberta but throughout the world in whatever way works for you. Changing the culture of violence requires all of us to find our voices and I believe this is a topic on which we can all join hands and work together.

Potential indicators of abuse can often be difficult to detect or recognize as possible indicators. Abuse can take many forms of which physical abuse is but one serious factor more recognizable than some others which include – verbal, financial or material abuse, domestic violence, sexual abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, modern slavery, discriminatory abuse and bullying behaviors. Evidence of any one indicator does not necessarily mean that abuse is occurring but such should alert others to that possibility where some sort of intervention may be needed.

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION requires each of us to increase our alertness and awareness because collectively we can be a tremendous TEAM where TOGETHER EVERYONE ACCOMPLISHES MIRACLES in ending the culture of violence in our society. Perhaps at the top of the list of ways to prevent or stop such violence is again creating healthy environments in which we role model appropriate behaviors for children because we know that CHILDHOOD TRAUMA all too often yields ADULT DYSFUNCTION. Witnessing abuse or being a part of such creates traumatic responses within the nervous systems of such individuals. As I always say “Worry not that your children do not listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you!” Enough Sandra! You have made your point not only in this Hot Stove post but throughout the book! So I listen to myself and continue my accolades.

To Stacy Crossland, our social media expert and one of the most patient women I know who has been instrumental in providing us with not only her talent in the area of social media but with her wise words and cherished sense of humour in all things R & R. What a gift it has been to work with Stacy and experience her commitment as well as her laughter and her deep responsibility to bringing forward our mission to change the world one reader at a time! You Rock girl!

To my incredible family – my husband, my adult children and my grandkids - who have supported me in my work on the Hot Stove posts and the book with incredible grace and understanding of their most passionate wife/mother/ grandmother. They as family members wait for me to finish my latest writing so we can have Facetime or supper or a game of Yahtzee or play Barbies, go for a side by side ride, play hockey or watch a show. My love for each of you burns very HOT! Thank you for your patience and dragging me off the edge when my comments may have needed reworking!!!

Lastly a huge thank you to all who have taken the time to read the R & R Hot Stove and/or buy our book. Your comments, your continued support, your highly positive Amazon Reviews have all made this path on which we continue to be on so much easier. May you all find the gift of PEACE AND LOVE THIS CHRISTMAS Season and as I extinguish the fire in the HOTSTOVE column please know that the FIRE still burns brightly within the R & R Team in our quest to change the world one reader at a time with our book GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND.

Sandra Young Kolbuc - aimstar@telus.net
Tracy Stark -  tracy@rnrempoweringsocietyofalberta.ca

Follow us:
Facebook
Instagramwww.instagram.com/rnr_ryderandradek/
Gross Misconduct Website
R&R Empowering Society of Alberta Website

                              Love, Sandra

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R&R Hot Stove - 36

11/23/2022

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Good Monday Evening Everyone,

The idea to write a column to keep potential readers interested in our progress on our Gross Misconduct journey seemed to be a good idea in the spring of 2022. We were going crazy trying to determine when we would have the actual books in hand! Thus, I began writing the R & R HOT STOVE column while we waited rather …. impatiently ….for our books. We had established a Gross Misconduct website and we wanted to keep the enthusiastic interest of our loyal followers and kept reiterating to everyone that the books would arrive……soon!!!

Thirty-six weeks ago today on March 12, 2022 the indominable amazing STACY CROSSLAND our social media guru published that first R & R Hot Stove post. I liked the HOT STOVE idea that had flipped into my mind as I explained in my first post. At that time our book team was on pins and needles waiting for the delivery of our book order and frantically wanting to know when the book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind would be available for our readers to purchase. Our goal was to gain Amazon Best Seller status but we had no idea when books would be available for our potential readers to purchase online. When could we begin to encourage those potential readers to buy our book? Would we have our book order available for our Book Launches? All of this uncertainty was new to us as neophyte writers. Needless to say, it was extremely stressful as we attempted to plan events with no firm idea of when we would receive the books. Then, out of the blue Tracy’s cousin called one morning to tell Tracy that she had stayed up all night reading the book! As Tracy would say “We were over the moon” with excitement!! It was out there!!!!!! It was not long before a delivery truck arrived at Tracy’s home filled with our books. No notice. Just arrived. We were ecstatic but the learning curve was high!

Over the last thirty-six weeks I have shared various aspects of our writing journey and hopefully added additional ‘food for thought’ for those who have taken the time to read posts I have shared on the Hot Stove.

Thirty-six seems to be a special number in our Gross Misconduct journey for it was 36 months from the time Tracy Stark asked me to write her story from my perspective as her therapist to the release of the book on March 23, 2022. Since that first post I have pondered each week as to what to write to keep a focus on our goal of encouraging others to read the book and find their voices. I have attempted to shine a light on and bring awareness to the need for changes in systems that failed Tracy and her boys. I have also continually encouraged others to find their voices about things that matter. It has always been my hope:

THAT those living in relationships sharing the raising of children either in intact, separated or divorced circumstances will increase their vigilance and awareness of the danger to children when such ‘innocents’ witness and experience abusive behaviors between their parents or watch as the self-esteem of the injured party is eroded by bullying or coercive control. Through watching instances of physical, financial, mental or verbal abuse or being a party to such, children are learning how to do their future relationships! I share the following quote I continually share with my clients “WORRY NOT THAT YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT LISTEN TO YOU. WORRY THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU!”
THAT readers who have bought the book and who have not yet read it will do so despite the fact that it is very very sad because …it is also a story filled with the courage, love, resilience and healing of a remarkably brave young mother willing to share her story to prevent further incidences of such violent acts of filicide and abuse against women and children.
THAT readers in the future as “the Village” will find their voices and intervene when things appear “offside” in the lives of children and others vulnerable citizens within their sphere of influence.
THAT those in positions of influence in the hockey world, the legal systems, children’s services, victim’s services, and the RCMP will read the book, ask questions, begin conversations and revisit policies and procedures that did not save Ryder Patryck and Radek Stryker nor provide a broken traumatized mother of two murdered youngsters with the support needed at the time of and in the days prior to and following their deaths.
THAT another mother or father will not come upon such a scene that Brent and Tracy Stark did on December 19, 2016 by changes being made to protect young children from violence and abuse.
THAT if YOU recognize yourself in any part of the equation: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA = ADULT DYSFUNCTION in far too many instances and if YOU need help in dealing with your own past to change the story for your children, please seek help!

The positive comments that Tracy and I have received from those who have taken the time to read Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind have been truly inspirational in encouraging us to continue to bring awareness to others regarding broken systems and attitudes that do not work in protecting children and adults living in unsafe circumstances. May you join us in finding your voice about things that matter.

LATEST DEVELOPMENTS

My commitment to the writing of the R & R Hot Stove ENDS next week as Tracy Stark and I move forward to the next phase of our marketing journey. If you wish to comment on any past columns do not hesitate to share your opinions, ideas or feedback which we will publish in the final column next MONDAY ….or …TUESDAY. LOL!
THE R & R MEMORIAL FOUNDATION has transitioned to the R & R Empowering Society of Alberta to expand the focus of the organization to include all children living in Alberta. Herein lies Tracy’s greatest commitment to her sons by changing the lives of other young children needing a financial hand up to participate in a variety of life-enhancing pursuits including not only hockey but a wide variety of activities. One can learn more of this society and how families can apply for such assistance on the website. rnrempoweringsocietyofalberta.ca/

LOVE, SANDRA

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R&R Hot Stove - System Inadequacies

11/9/2022

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Good Morning Everyone! Okay I will admit….it is afternoon! Closer to evening! The fire is ablaze in our fireplace counteracting the new snow that continues to fall. I love winter almost as much as summer and relish the opportunity as I finish this article to go for a kick sled on the fresh snow on our trails, my first ride of the season. Being active has already been my way of being since I was a youngster. To me, looking forward to such activity is my medication to calm the anxiety I feel as I detail specific concerns I bring forward this November – The month designated to focus on Preventing Family Violence.

As I organized and wrote the book Gross Misconduct, the companionship of my dogs was paramount. Their calmness and their attentiveness to my demeanor were regulating for me as I learned the many aspects of the ‘rest of the story’ surrounding the lives and deaths of Ryder and Radek. Having grandkids just a little younger than Tracy’s boys, a grandson who had played hockey with them and a son who coached them brought me to being even more determined to get this book into the hands of as many people as possible. It is hoped that others will, after reading the book, begin to have a better idea of the laws, policies and procedures designed to protect women and children but which a devastated mother feels “wretchedly fail to do so” based on her experiences and those of her sons murdered in an act of filicide (the killing of a child by a parent) and in this case – the killing of two children.) Hopefully individuals who read the book will begin to explore Tracy Stark’s concerns and speak up and out about inadequacies in various societal systems brought forward in the book. We hope we will find people questioning such policies and laws and create a force to be reckoned with regarding speaking about changes needed. We have continually heard from other women (and men) who have been in situations where they too felt let down by such inadequacies particularly as related to matters of assets and custody in separation and divorce. And…since approximately 40% of marriages in Canada are said to end in divorce such is a real issue.

PRESENTING AREAS TO BE EXAMINED:

THE JUSTICE SYSTEM

Court Orders not being enforced.
The Cost of getting a Court Order put in place
The Wait Time to sit before a Judge who will make decisions regarding child custody issues.

THE RCMP

Police unable to act on behalf of children if the individual displaying questionable behaviors is the other biological parent
The disrespect and lack of empathy with which the mother was treated when at the scene of the crime and the subsequent treatment at the RCMP Station.
The lack of trained professions to help manage the TRAUMA of what the mother and stepfather were experiencing as victims of a horrendous crime.
Having to identify via pictures the body of the perpetrator

The MEDIA:

The continual harassment of the mother and step father to get “the rest of the story” with no consideration for the traumatic symptoms they were experiencing.

CHILD SERVICES

The lack of serious intervention by Child Protective Services after receiving a detailed letter outlining the actions of the biological father from a mother afraid for her children’s safety
Cheerleading the mother for her decision to move to the boy’s new home community rather than taking decisive action to intervene immediately on behalf of the children
The lack of an investigation into the incident and the failure to involve the mother and/or step dad in such an investigation

HOCKEY ALBERTA

No follow up with the mother regarding suggested changes in procedures and reporting to Children’s Services of a 13-year-old boy with a shaved head arriving at hockey practice in a woman’s dress
No call to the mother - the primary parent - regarding the obvious abusive actions of the father of a young hockey player arriving at hockey practice in a dress.

HOCKEY FAMILY

No call of concern by any one to mother of a child arriving at hockey practice with shaved head and wearing a woman’s dress.

It is our hope that highlighting such inadequacies will spark a desire by other parents/fans as well as those in positions of influence to look at situations that need attention. MAY GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND BE A POSITIVE VEHICLE FOR CHANGE on behalf of two innocent young boys.

NOTE TO MY AMAZING CO- WRITER: Not long after the boys died I know you lost your precious and beloved little bull dog Piper as well. May you enjoy your new addition to your family, Tracy. Nothing like a new puppy to brighten your days and …..bring you trouble! She will be a great member of your household. Have fun!!

DEVON PUBLIC LIBRARY
NOVEMBER 22/22 AT 7:00 PM

BOOK READING, TALK AND BOOK SALES AND SIGNINGS with Tracy Stark & Sandra Young Kolbuc .

REGISTER BY NOVEMBER 17/22 at devonpubliclibrary.ca/events or call 780-987-3720

LOVE SANDRA

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RnR Hot Stove - Ethical Decision Making

11/2/2022

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Happy November Everyone! I love the 1st day of a new month! It is as though I rewire and revitalize my self-care focus by taking a deep breath into forgiving myself for the error of my ways the previous month and becoming excited to have a new chance at success!! You know - that chance to begin again if I have skidded into the ditch with some of my definitive goals of self-care! I hope I never stop my bizarre excitement at being given a fresh chance at success as the first of the next month rolls around. LOL! I love the nerd in me! So come on November! I am ready!

Last week I had the absolute delight of picking the brain of my friend Sue Yackulic, a fellow U of A Physical Education graduate and an excellent coaching facilitator with the Canadian Coaching Association, Susan teaches a course entitled Ethical Decision Making, a course every coach of every sport should be required to complete before he or she dons a coaching shirt. It is designed to assist coaches in understanding what ethical decision making is and what constitutes good vs bad choices in decisions a coach makes when behind the bench, in the dressing room, on the court or the bus with his or her team or one on one with one of his/her athletes behind closed doors or in front of his/her teammates. What must legally be reported by a coach to Children’s Services? What could constitute a breach of the law if unreported? How do certain decisions affect the athletes in question? What is an ethical breach of conduct by a coach? Some of these are questions coaches though well intentioned never think about.

Now we have many wonderful dedicated coaches in our midst. That is beyond question. However, until a coach is fully aware of the ethical nature of certain situations, he/she may not have considered how his/her actions could possibly affect the athletes with whom he or she is working. The course offers many scenarios for coaches to consider and to increase their understanding of what constitutes ethical decision making.

In our book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind we share the details of the actions of Ryder’s father in his attempts to discipline his thirteen year old son for his actions which had resulted in a suspension from school. To punish Ryder his father took him to Value Village after this suspension, made him buy a dress and wear to hockey practice to humiliate Ryder in front of his teammates. This was Ryder’s punishment for a poor choice he had made at school as dished out by his father. As well his father, in order to doubly embarrass Ryder, shaved his head to the skin and told him he was not to wear a hat. As Ryder suffered with psoriasis one can only imagine what this could potentially do to the self esteem of this young man but the kid did what he was told and when his coach told him he could change out of the dress for practice Ryder shook his head and said he couldn’t and since he seemed okay with it his coach went with what the boy said. Now this coach was a man who chose to coach hockey because he wanted “to help kids become better players and better people” He was well intentioned. He did not want to make a greater scene for Ryder so he went with what his player had said was okay. Ryder continued his dryland training but his teammates, rather than making fun of him from what I understand, stuck right by his side in the drills as this tenacious young lad completed the dryland training in a dress. The coach did not want to make it worse for the boy and because Ryder seemed okay with wearing the dress there was no follow up. Who knew that Child Services should have been contacted to investigate possible child abuse by Ryder’s father? No one seemed to think it was a big deal. Everyone in the hockey world seemed more concerned about the boy writing a letter regarding his school misconduct rather than with his father’s humiliating and abusive behavior in selecting such a cruel punishment for his son. There was no follow up. His mother was not informed regarding the dress incident until Ryder’s younger brother spilled the beans to her regarding the dress. In my mind, it appeared that coaches were not aware of a responsibility to report such behavior or perhaps at that time such had not been known to coaches that such should have been reported to Child Services.

Susan Yackulic , Facilitator, shared that she has been using this example in her presentations where coaches learn what they ethically and legally are responsible to report. In the Ethical Decision Making Class participants explore situations that require them to make ethical decisions. Suspected child abuse by a parent is one such area that must now be reported. Coaches must be educated as to their responsibilities in making ethical decisions. Discussing situations where good decisions must be made in the best interest of children requires coaches to understand what that involves and what it means. What does a coach dressing down a player in front of his peers do to a child? What does a coach swearing and berating players behind closed doors in a dressing room do to a team? Though many coaches are well intended volunteers they MUST be educated as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in our sporting venues..

As Hockey Canada is now forced to take responsibility for reportedly using player registration monies to cover up abhorrent sexual abuse by CANADIAN Junior Hockey players, the hockey world is in crisis. So many sponsors have removed their support until this mess is cleaned up.

Coaches in all sports can have a tremendous impact on the self-esteem and behaviors of our young athletes and have a potent effect on the mental health and self confidence of their players by how they are treated by their coaches. If coaches use outdated tactics, discipline strategies and abusive behaviors in their quest for a “winning” team or if they are uneducated regarding what is ethical and unethical behavior in the coaching realm, they can do serious harm to their athletes. Inappropriate behaviors must be reported and action taken. Hockey Canada is certainly in crisis.

   Parents too who are attempting to fulfil their own unrealized dreams through their children with an excessive focus on their child’s success on the court/ice or field can also be detrimental to the mental health of a child under extreme pressure to succeed. Coaches must know how to handle such situations or have resources to help them with difficult situations that may arise.

As well parents too are often afraid to speak up on behalf of their child because they know their child will see less playing time or be punished in subtle ways if a coach is confronted for behavior unbecoming a “significant other” in their child’s life. Parents must speak up when they see things are “offside” How can they do that without impacting the child’s experience if a parent speaks up? Perhaps …..confidential parental and player evaluations must be a part of our sporting culture so our little athletes can relish the skills and abilities from those willing to become better educated in working with young people and wanting to have a positive impact on their charges. Being a coach is a huge responsibility and ...a privilege. Becoming a good coach requires learning how to best teach, impact and influence one’s players in a positive way and understanding what is motivational and what is detrimental to a player’s development.

A coach is in a position of power and influence. It is a tremendous responsibility and I believe those paying the price for their child’s involvement should have a chance to confidentially evaluate what they see and hear regarding coaching behaviors – both good and bad. The aim of such should be to ensure each child has the most positive experience possible in the playing venue. Such should not be considered a negative by a coach but rather a chance to provide a coach with increased tools in his/her kit bag in his/her role as coach or ….to relish some of the good things that people/athletes are experiencing under his/her tutelage. Maybe our sporting associations could provide our coaches with such opportunities to increase their skill and knowledge levels identified as needing attention rather than funding coverups for unconscionable behaviors! Maybe some former sponsors could work in this realm to assist in the training of minor sport coaches to enhance the overall experience for our budding athletes. May such is already underway!

Discussions must be held to provide the most positive experience for every child registered in their sport. Yes coaches in minor sports are volunteers and yes coaching takes a lot of time. However the impact a coach can have on our youngsters cannot be overstated and such individuals must be well trained and their behaviors well monitored as well as appreciated for the time and effort given to the sport. It is truly a privilege to coach a group of kids. Ask me! Try coaching a group of unruly 15- and 16-year-old males who got us kicked out of the league for their questionable behaviors on the court but in the short time I had the opportunity of being their coach they grew not just as athletes but as young men learning about logical consequences for their questionable behaviors. That needs to be a strong focus for our coaches – creating good citizens and learning what it means to be a good team member. Wining isn’t just about the score on the score sheet. COACHES MUST BE WELL SCHOOLED IN APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE METHODS OF WORKING with our young citizens because they have a tremendous influence on our budding athletes.

The course Ethical Decision Making offered by the Canadian Coaching Association is an excellent course for both parents and coaches. Please think about educating yourself about the importance of coaches and parents knowing the difference between ethical and unethical behaviors on and off the playing surface. It is our hope that the book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind will be added to the Canadian Coaching Association list of relevant resources for coaches enrolling in their many excellent courses. I’ll be sending them a copy of our book this week!

                           Love Sandra

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WELCOME TO THE R&R HOT STOVE

R&R Hot Stove - It's a good day to have a good day

R&R Hot Stove - 36

R&R Hot Stove - System Inadequacies

RnR Hot Stove - Ethical Decision Making

Sandra Young Kolbuc

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