March 21st, 2022

GOOD MONDAY MORNING!

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!

In April of 2019 I accepted Tracy Stark’s request to work with her to share her story and that of her sons.  Over the course of our work together we had the difficult task of deciding what to remove from the manuscript and what to include.  The following passage is one of the chapters of the story that did not make the cut. I share an updated version of the chapter today to expand your understanding of the reasons I chose to be on Tracy and the R&R team! 

PREGAME ROUND TABLE

The following is a call out to all regarding the devastating experience of Brent and Tracy Stark on the morning of December 19, 2016.  It is written in the voice of a sports announcer and will be expanded upon in the rest of the manuscript of the book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind.  In hockey, a gross misconduct penalty is the worst infraction for which a player is punished. This book is aptly named and needs your attention to understand the importance of you as a caring human being finding your voice and letting it ring from the rafters of every arena, every coliseum, every stadium, every kitchen table, every church, every yoga studio and every staff room where people gather to STOP such violent action in our society.   The story of  Ryder and Radek and the agony of their mother and stepfather and all those who knew them is unconscionable and the culture of violence in our land must STOP.  We the people must find our individual and collective voices to change this culture of violence in our society.  Early yesterday morning I received a text from Tracy distressed at hearing of the suspected death of yet another young child by an act of filicide in our true north strong and free! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A replay of the fate of Ryder and Radek will now be told in the athletic persuasion that represents this Canadian hockey family that hopefully helps to make it more palatable.  What am I saying?  That is next to impossible.  I would initially read my husband, a former hockey coach and now hockey grandpa what I had written at the ending of each day until he asked me not to read what had emanated from my fingers on the keys of my Mac computer to him until the next morning as he found himself tossing and turning in the darkness of the night at hearing such an disturbing pattern of abusive behaviors/discipline and filicide.  Here it is now on the video monitor above Centre Ice where those in the stands can find the highlights of the final period of action in Ryder and Radek’s Game of Life here on earth.

GAME HIGHLIGHTS 
THE ARENA IS PACKED.  THE DEEP VOICE OF THE SPORTS ANNOUNCER CALLS EVERYONE’S ATTENTION TO THE VIDEO MONITOR ABOVE CENTRE ICE.  
SPORTS ANNOUNCER:  “HELLO HOCKEY FANS!. What you are about to experience is the GAME SUMMARY of the story GROSS MISCONDUCT! HITTING FROM BEHIND.  A Mother’s  Love Story. 
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    The following highlights of the R & R story is about to be aired. It is story of two young hockey ‘legends’ Radek and Ryder who absolutely loved the game of hockey. You may or may not be brave enough to bear witness to …the ‘rest of the story which will be expanded upon in the book. The Game Summary will allow you to understand the magnitude of what led to the writing of this treatise and its display on the video monitor.  In its entirety the narrative will go behind the scene into the details of the story of these two young boys and their mother.  Many may have difficulty absorbing the details of the story and like my husband will not be able to read it in the stillness of the night. Many will agonize over the fate of these beautiful boys and will toss and turn in the ‘safety’ of their own beds as they process the words that have emanated from the fingers of the storytellers - A Hockey Gramma ( & Therapist) and a Hockey Mom - sharing the full details of the unfolding of this horrific account on their computers and iPads and i-Phones and sitting together and processing the trauma within the nervous system of the Hockey Mom.  If brave enough to read the entire treatise may all good men find tears in their eyes over the actions of one of their gender and recognize their vital responsibility in doing their own work in raising good sons so the incidences of such craziness ends NOW! May all good women also rise together with strength and courage for the safety of all children and well as themselves.

    Gross Misconduct is not a ‘man-bashing’ book as feared but some men. Rather it is a call to action to all men and women to end violence in our society. May men raised in the culture of violence, entitlement and grandiosity find the courage to examine their own behaviors, do their own work and stand up to other men still stuck in old programming when those of the male gender were unchallenged heads of the household and the disciplining of young boys often involved physical violence, verbal, mental & emotional abuse.  ‘Spare the rod.  Spoil the child.’ can no longer be the rule in raising good men! But neither can mental abuse, verbal abuse , sexual abuse and psychological intimidation be the experience inside homes or inside or outside the Dressing Rooms and Playing Fields of Life for our boys and girls. Both men and women must be strong enough to question the behaviors they witness in those domains where young boys and girls can be so scarred by abuse for the rest of their lives. Young children must never go to bed at night fearful of the adults in their homes and or on their playing fields of life.   

The purpose of this story is not to emasculate men.  Rather it is to encourage them to be the role models of social justice and self regulation for their sons and all young men and yes…for their daughters who unconsciously often choose men like their fathers. Most importantly more and more evidence is forthcoming regarding the connection between trauma in childhood and dysfunctional behaviors in adulthood. Times Up! #MeToo! Movements must not just include women but all human beings to expand our focus on ending violence in our communities. And now…let’s go to the action on the ice!

SPORTS ANNOUNCER:  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  Please Turn Your Heads and Look up to the Video Monitor where  RYDER #3 and RADEK #8 stand holding their sticks and wearing their hockey uniforms with such pride as they display their last ‘hockey’ smiles. Where the replay of one of them scoring the winning goal in a championship game or holding the cherished Tournament trophy will never be shown because their father took that potentiality away by a selfish cowardly act of FILICIDE.  Their lives on earth have ended. 

LOOK UP! Their faces will never don the video screen above centre ice after today. However,  may their legacy live on and bring awareness and action from all who absorb their story and that of their mother Tracy Ross Stark and seek to change the experience of the next child trapped in the craziness of a father or mother’s  rage or mental health issue and ….if that is your personal story…. 
LOOK UP!   Get some help if this is your way or the way of someone else in your life with your children.  

LOOK UP!  See these innocent faces of two handsome young boys and make a decision to let your voice  become a part of the swell of voices advocating changing personal behaviors, laws, procedures and policies that aided and abetted the full blown tragedy that occurred on December 19, 2016 just down the street…….in a house like any other.  

                                                                                                                    Until Next Monday,
                                                                                                                    Love Sandra