R & R Hot Stove - Happy Anniversary to us!

Good Afternoon Everyone! Bright sunshine continues to bring forward the wonder of our world out here in the wilds of Northern Alberta, CANADA.  But TODAY is even more than that because today my “SWEATHEART” and I celebrate fifty-two years of marriage…..to the same people aka…each other! Happy Anniversary my Sweet Dave!

We were INITIALLY more ‘sweat hearts’ than “sweet hearts”.  We had both been members of Canadian Champion athletic teams David being an Edmonton Huskie football player and I a University of Alberta Basketball Panda. We met in 1967 as physical education students in Dr. Arthur Erickson’s Health Class.  Well.  We didn’t actually MEET initially. I just admired him from afar as I sat in class having trouble concentrating on learning some boring aspect of teaching ‘health’ classes to junior high students.  Instead, I was simply OOGLING the dark-haired athlete sitting two seats over…and three seats down.  When class ended, I would sprint quietly through the Education Gym on my tiptoes so as not to disturb the class in session to ‘accidentally’ run in to this ‘object of my affections’ on his way to his physiology class as he thoroughly captured my attention before he knew I was alive.  That race across the gym ended the day the instructor of the gym class not so quietly suggested I stop disturbing her class by running through it as she reported that the class waited with great anticipation for my interruption! I slowly slinked out of her class and then raced to complete my reconnaissance mission!  There he was just ahead! Me still admiring him from a distance!
 
However, I finally got the courage to ask out the OBJECT OF my racing heart – to a Lister Hall Residence Formal.  Not being good with liquor I actually fell asleep at the table across from him for a few minutes and we did end up leaving the event before I started snoring as he gave me a gentle nudge and we headed to watch THE CANADIAN Women’s Basketball CHAMPIONSHIP final being held on campus. He would say…nothing has really changed regarding my ability to handle alcohol in these 52 years…..I only made it to 8:30 pm at the first Whitecourt Wolverine Ladies Night as Tracy Stark continually reminds me! However,…back to the story.  

Three years later on October 03, 1970 I married my “captured prey” – LOL- this love of my life while “COME SING A SONG OF JOY” the anthem of the Love and Peace movement of the late sixties played us to the altar! 

What the heck does this have to do with anything??? Here it is…..the essence of the story…….I picked well!   My “JOCK” as we called our PE classmates and I took our time to get to know each other – our strengths and our challenges.  We became a strong team together resonating similar goals and values, respecting our differences and as we began our life together learning that Housework is not 50-50.  Parenting…… is not 50-50. Yard Work is not 50-50.   It involves giving 100% of what you have in you as husband and wife each day. We have never forgotten our team experiences where Together Everyone Accomplishes Miracles. It is working together as the co-captains of your family team to make each and every day a good day.  It is communicating when you are overwhelmed rather than pulling the “VIOLENCE BY SILENCE” card or being a bitch because ‘He should just know what to do!” It is honoring the importance of each of you finding down time or self care time to restore your physical and mental states.  It is putting connecting with your wife or husband on your To Do List! Remembering why you got together in the first place!   It is working out what works for each of you to give your best each day or recognizing that on a team every player needs to step up and be a part of the solution to make your lives and the lives of your children rock and roll.  It is taking time each day to be grateful for all you have, for the beauty of your children, your shelter, your animals or our planet. It is focusing on what you want rather than what you do not want because whatever you focus on expands!

In April of 2019 when Tracy approached me to write with her from my perspective as her therapist, I approached my husband to discuss the possibility of writing Tracy’s story.  He did not hesitate for a second saying “It is critically important that this story be told and you would be good at it.” Perhaps he did not know it would take three years to do so but never once did he ever complain, always encouraged, dried my tears and his own when I read him the tough spots when I had trouble keeping it together. He shared his perceptions on the telling of the story. Initially, after a day filled with writing, I would try to read him what I had written.  He stopped me.  “You cannot read me these segments after dark Sandra.  I will not be able to sleep.  Nor will you. Let’s wait ‘til Morning.”  I was so absorbed in what I was doing I did not realize that perhaps that had something to do with my own sleeping challenges.  So then because of his intervention when I wanted to read or edit or reread chapters it was done in the light of day!

So many men are truly tender souls who know that crying is not a sign of weakness.  Rather it is TRULY a sign of Strength to be brave enough to feel - feel the feelings – a quality so needed in relationships. Why do you think guys love hockey?  So they can hug their brothers and feel the feelings when they hoist the Cup with buddies who will be lifelong friends as they say with tears evident, “I LOVE YOU MAN!” to their teammates!  

We need MEN to read the book GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND.  Don Burnstick, an incredible Indigenous comedian spoke passionately - filled with humour as well as serious talk -at the Truth and Reconciliation Event at Rotary Park in Whitecourt on Friday, September 30/22.  Don talked about how Indigenous women have been the leaders in their communities in attempting to change the culture of violence against women and children.  He reinforced the importance of men needing to be involved and speaking up, supporting initiatives and changing attitudes surrounding abuse to protect women and children from such family violence in his culture.  He commended the women for all that they have accomplished in this arena in the last few years.  However, he stated the importance of all men too finding their voices to end the culture of violence in his culture as well as in our Canadian society at large. We need the input and voices of the many men who truly know that joining together with their women who are speaking up and developing initiatives to end such violence is critical! Women and the men who love them well will make a formidable team because Together Everyone Accomplishes Miracles.

My first line centre in the game of life who I affectionately call “McTracy” Stark to honor her likeness to the passion and tenacity of the Oiler’s Connor McDavid in the game of hockey - has put her life out there in our book to be shifted through, criticized and judged.  She wanted it raw and she wanted it real to call out societal systems that failed her in her attempt to save her boys.  As well when relationships break down mothers and fathers MUST find ways to respectfully work together to ensure that their kids who are the ‘victims’ of such separations have the best possible team still working to ensure their children grow in ‘wisdom and in stature’ from the HEALHTY love and positive attention of both parents focused on doing the best for their children when they live in separated circumstances.  More on this in another episode of the R & R Hot Stove.

Off on a bit of a tangent, this old Sage.  LOL!   My husband just texted me from his chair in the living room to ask if I am finished yet! I reply “Almost”  

We know there are many good men out there who are incredible fathers.  Men like my Dave who has been the best possible husband and father I could ever have walked with on this earth.  We women need men’s voices to join ours in ending the culture of violence all too present in our patriarchal society so we can be LEADERS in ending the oppression against women and children in the world. Check out the NEWS and the leadership role women in Iran are taking and the stepping up of their men!  My prayers and love goes with them in their courage to challenge the status quo in Iran where women live in oppressed circumstances. 

On a final note, It is a tragedy that in our so-called civilized society  we must raise money for Women’s shelters to protect our women and children and other at-risk citizens from abuse rather than calling out all men who mistreat some of our most vulnerable citizens.  Please join our team by attending events open to men and joining us in calling out the bullies who exist not just in our schools for children but in our work places as well! And may our book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind find its way into your hands!

NOW after all that………….Off to Celebrate 52 wonderful years of Bliss!  OK! Maybe 49/52 but …. almost batting 100%. Much better than any baseball team! Go Blue Jays! 

Thank you David Kolbuc for your incredible support for my passion to join TRACY STARK AND be a part of changing the world – one reader at a time!   And okay -……I WILL join you in watching the Blue Jays …..later! Love you forever….and then some!

Love,

​Sandra