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WELCOME TO THE R&R HOT STOVE

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Hot Stove was initially a baseball term says Wikipedia.   My husband tells me that in Canada the Hot Stove actually refers to the hot stoves in the “skate shacks” across Canada where kids would “fry” their wet mittens as they warmed up and wiped their runny noses between stints on the ice in the skate shacks beside the ice rinks that dotted our prairie towns!  Who do you believe?? LOL!  My friend Ross Meek- athlete, coach and former PE teacher would speak about his ‘team’ of colleagues adopting the term to describe their gathering together in ‘Hot Stove’ conversations early each Monday mornings after a weekend of watching NHL teams compete in Canada’s game.  

Each MONDAY MORNING you will find a Hot Stove post here on our website.  The focus will NOT normally be about hockey although the passion of two beautiful young hockey-playing boys named Radek and Ryder was certainly front and centre when the boys were alive and the hockey theme runs throughout the book.  We plan to give the reader further insights into some back stories and delve into our objectives as writers of this powerful narrative.  We will profile the incredible courage of a mother and her counselling therapist in the telling of a mother’s love story.  We will also share the actions of those who have helped a grieving mother in the mending of her broken heart as she continues to work on finding a degree of meaning and mastery since the death of her two boys on December 19, 2016 in a brutal senseless act of filicide by their biological father. 
Sometimes the topics will be passionately HOT like that of a burning stove aimed at stoking your courage to find your voice about things that matter in ending all violence against women and children in our society.  May our words encourage you to speak from the rafters of every arena in concert with our aim to end such violence.   Sometimes hopefully we will also bring a grin to your face as we share our connection on this road as client and therapist since 2017. 

                                                                                                                                                SANDRA YOUNG KOLBUC   ​

RnR Hot Stove - Changes in Hockey

9/19/2022

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GOOD MONDAY AFTERNOON EVERYONE!  Hope first week of school went well for…everyone!

When I was a young girl of twelve BACK IN THE DARK AGES, I was totally passionate about hockey.  I even collected hockey cards and autographs from hockey stars and was a focused participant with our family’s hockey game with the marble and metal hockey players.  As well I was a street hockey fanatic!  The ‘rink’ was the roadway in front of our home. But…  every Saturday morning, I got to play with the CUB SCOUTS organization.  Mr. Johnny Jenkins, my neighbor and father of three boys, told me I was better than all the boys out on the rink!  Needless to say, he was my favorite person in the world as I was the only girl brave enough to put on my white figure skates and don a hockey stick amongst the boys.  BUT then – Tragedy! I began to develop boobs and my time on the ice…ended.  Girls were not allowed to play organized hockey. That was a BOYS ONLY club where young boys learned to be MEN. What happened in the dressing room stayed in the dressing room.  NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!

There was no use for me as a young woman to cry about my being unable to continue in my passion for hockey.  That was just the way it was for a girl aka ‘a tomboy’ like me.   It was a cultural norm in our society that girls did not play hockey so….. I switched to playing basketball which was “allowed” by the powers that be at that time on a girls’ team of course.   So basketball became my passion and I never gave much thought to my change in sport although when I was 12 or 13, I did sneak on my brother’s Toronto Maple Leaf sweater and hockey gear one day when he was away and had my mother take a picture of me in it.  Of course today I wanted to post that picture and can’t find it.  Probably somewhere with my forever missing Day-Timer. 

However, September 4, 2022, I had the privilege of watching CANADA’S esteemed captain and mother #29 MARIE PHILIP POULIN of TEAM CANADA block the final shot of the game by her American opponent and with the two-goal game of her outstanding teammate #19 BRIANNE JENNER I witnessed CANADA win the WOMEN’S WORLD HOCKEY CHAMPIONSHIP the second year in a row!   As the old feminist saying goes “We’ve come a long way BABY! “CONGRATULATIONS to our Canadian Women’s Hockey Team!

However, in many instances girls and women are still battling for EQUAL ICE TIME with the boys’ and men’s team.  They are still wearing second hand boys’ jerseys after the boys get new ones.  As women we are still battling with a hockey culture that needs a permanent definitive overhaul to espouse values that lead our players to be outstanding citizens because of their experiences on and off the ice as team members.  One of my female friends continually refers to men’s hockey as ‘legalized violence’ and finds allowing fighting as an integral part of the men’s game …disturbing.  Is that how we want our boys to handle conflict off the ice?  Is that how we stop bullying off the ice and sometimes in the dressing room …..where Might makes Right?? 

However, our brave hockey women players are leading the way forward in changing the culture of hockey on the heels of women like Billie Jean King, Serena Williams, Hayley Wickenheiser and other female athletes ever alert to the need for women to find their voices for an equal and fair seat at the ‘Sport’ tables.  May we all read Sheryl Sandberg’s best-selling book from a few years ago entitled LEANIN’ IN. May we also know that combining our femininity, our style with tenacity is also acceptable on the ice and off.  Thanks Serena!  What a Champion!  Another Game Changer! 

We need to speak out about things that matter in so many aspects of our society.  Exposed sexual abuse issues coming to light in junior hockey antics off the ice and pay outs made to victims for their silence to avoid charges being laid against the perpetrators because they play hockey is beyond reprehensible and has led Hockey Canada to consider important changes in the way things are handled in our hockey ‘family’.  

HOCKEY and CANADA are interchangeable words.  “Since 1914 Hockey Canada has been the organization that Canadians have trusted to lead, develop and promote positive hockey experiences.  In 2019, it expanded its reach to require the board to have at least two male and two female members to ‘better reflect Canadian society and to be more diverse and inclusive.’  A small but good first step one hundred years later!

However recent events have called that initial trust given Hockey Canada in 1914 into question with the junior hockey fiasco that has come to light this summer. “Pursuant to Hockey Canada bylaws the members of Hockey Canada’s Board of Directors have appointed Andrea Skinner to serve as interim Chair of the Board.  Ms. Skinner was first elected to the Hockey Canada Board of Directors in November of 2020 and has volunteered countless hours in service to the organization. In her past, Skinner was a former captain of the Cornell University Women’s hockey team and served as assistant coach of the University of Ottawa’s women’s hockey team as well as serving a hockey referee.   She practices law as a partner at Aird & Berlis LLP where she also serves as Chair of the Diversity and Inclusion Committee and leads the firm’s Mental Health Initiative.”  It was exciting for me as a forever female athlete to hear her speak about her new role between the first and second periods of the championship game and I wish her every success in her new challenging role.  May she be as brave and tenacious in her new role as she was as a player on the ice. 

Ms. Skinner must be a dynamic leader and find her voice to speak loudly and clearly from a mother and woman’s perspective about totally unacceptable behaviors and practices now being revealed and reviewed in the hockey community and in need of serious consideration and change. The secrecy surrounding inappropriate bullying behavior by coaches, parents and players alike must end. Young hockey players are our sons and grandsons, our daughters and granddaughters and are negatively affected by inadequate and unfair practices in sport and in society generally both on and off the playing surfaces. 
 

Yes.  We as women must never be silent as we still have ‘a long way to go … BABY! ‘  We must continue to find our voices about changes needed in the best interest of our most vulnerable citizens – women and both boys and girls alike – in all facets of society. 

Hockey culture is a great platform on which to inject our more serious concerns as we model good behaviors as parents, volunteers, coaches and players as we teach and model for our boys and girls how to be good people respectful of all the fans in the stands, our opponents, our coaches and each other.  
 
Please join our team in finding your voice about things that matter and may you be courageous enough to read our book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind. If you have not yet done so please share your good reviews on Amazon.  If bad,  just send them to me!  We need to bring greater awareness to the need for change in our world. We need you on our TEAM where TOGETHER EVERYONE (will) ACCOMPLISH MIRACLES and change the culture of violence in our society!  

                                                                                                                                Love Sandra

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    Sandra Young Kolbuc

    Sandra is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist  who has been in private practice since 1993. As an incredibly engaging speaker Sandra as a storyteller weaves together her adventures as a woman of the earth, a wife, mother, grandmother, professional therapist and good good friend finding joy and hilarity in life coupled with serious reflection on the challenges that exist in life.

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