RnR Hot Stove - Editing, editing, editing

GOOD MONDAY MORNING EVERYONE! A day late and a dollar short!  Just returned from a great trip to MacKenzie B.C. where I had the pleasure to hug all weekend the Acting Captain of the MacKenzie Mountaineers – my grandson Gavin Kolbuc Stark!   Proud to be his Gramma!  

This past summer we hit the other end of BC with a visit to Red Mountain and had the privilege of visiting with the first editor of the manuscript Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind. 

It took courage for my trusted long-time friend Connie Braithwaite to share her perspectives with me, the new author.  Connie had just finished editing the work of another author when I asked for her editing expertise.  She was a godsend, diligent in her editing and brave enough to hold nothing back in her evaluation.  As well, she could see a comma out of place a mile away! Sometimes her words were not easy to hear. Sometimes after her input I needed to take long walks in the beauty of the boreal woodlands talking to my two ‘golden girls’ because her remarks sometimes ‘tested’ me to change the trajectory of what or how I was writing.  She was kind but determined that the story continue to focus on Tracy and her boys Radek and Ryder when I sometimes went off on some other tangent on my soapbox!    But that is what true friends do isn’t it?  Give you that loving good advice that may be hard to give and…hard to hear but can travel between two connected  heart knowing that each of you wants the best for the other and holds that intention between you.  Thank you, Connie, for making me a better writer and for being a valuable part of our writing team in the bid to bring forward the best possible version of the story of Ryder and Radek and the painful incredible journey of healing of their Mama, Tracy Stark.  Strong women are changing the world and my friend Connie is one of them! 

Others on my editing team included two more straight talkers in the likes of Kristin Kolbuc LeCoure, my oldest daughter and fellow AIM therapist who challenged me to think and write like a young mom rather than an ‘old..er gramma’ LOL! when I was lost in a particular challenging recounting of Tracy’s experience.  Thirdly  what a gift  my son Joseph who had coached both Ryder and ‘Radek gave me in ensuring the book was not only written from a strong female perspective but was written as well to gain the support of men touched by the story and who we need to advocate for changes to procedures, systems and attitudes that failed Tracy in her quest to take care of her sons.   A male perspective on my writing was a godsend. I was so very privileged to have such feedback from those who I think still love me LOL! Then… Tracy’s excellent writings in answer  to the many questions I posed and her patience as I struggled in my role of having to eliminate anything I had written that did not resonate with my co-writer. Tracy’s answers to my questions were amazing when as I knew that revisiting situations would be difficult and it was not my intention to retraumatize her in her recollections.  Sometimes we needed to regroup and do some grounding to settle such unsettling recounting of what had transpired.  Her damn red pen too was also MOST diligent in her editing process.  Some entries I fought for and lost to my main character who was stellar and firm in her perceptions as chief editor of what should and should not be in the book! After all it was her story!  Other writings I fought for and won particularly when I wanted to educate people about dealing with trauma. I too as the collaborator of the story was tenacious.  But…thought it all we remained so respectful of each other’s point of view and worked at finding solutions to our different points of view!    We were two women on a mission to collaborate well to make this the best possible version of GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND.  

Removing the poems initially included in the manuscript was one of the hardest parts for both of us.  (See very early R & R Hot Stove posts for one such poem) Our professional Friesen editor strongly advised us to eliminate the poems to maintain our focus and the serious nature of what was being written.  I can’t believe how attached I was to those writings that presented a unique rhythm in the telling of certain aspects of the story and maybe someday we will share more of the poetic license I took in my creative writing of the story in verse form.  

​Most importantly through all this writing It has been amazing how well two strong minded women aka Tracy and I have worked together in the telling of the story!    There were times when I would not hear from Tracy for a while and I would think “OMG.  She has changed her mind about writing.  About putting herself out there!”  I would fret….and then…take my 10000 steps into the woods with my consultants – Saje and Sugah- my female golden retrievers support team and ask their advice!! Then I would find a tree, sit quietly and reground getting my bearings about the issue at hand– and when the dogs weren’t chasing spruce hens to share the story with all the animals in the forest, they would remind me with their loving presence that all was well and Tracy just needed time to ‘Write and Recover’ because my questions were tough and sometimes brought forward some  difficult heart breaking writing for my partner in writing.   

But…we did it!!!! and have maintained a strong relationship and determination to get the book Gross Misconduct into as many hands as possible.  

Our purpose?   To bring awareness to the importance of speaking out about the need for men and women to challenge systems and laws that are not working in the best interest of women and children.  It is our quest to bring such issues into the forefront to change the culture of violence present in our society and make a difference in the lives of such women and children be it in homes, in schools, at social gatherings, on teams, in board rooms or in everyday life.  

The establishment of R & R Empowering Society of Alberta in the names of Ryder and Radek is one way to preserve their memory and provide children needing that hand up to pursue opportunities that their families could otherwise not provide them with.  As well helping women needing encouragements and support in moving beyond the confines of abusive relationships Is also a mission of the R & R Empowering Society of Alberta. Please explore the website for further information.

Stacy Crossland our social media and communications expert has been pivotal in her work to assist us in the promotion of such causes and we are extremely grateful for the gifts and talents Stacy brings to our team. Note the picture of Oiler alumni with whom she shared Gross Misconduct when the Oilers came to town!  You Go Girl!!

Our Victims Services Retreat presentation earlier this month was well received.  A group of caring women and one forward-thinking guy! – all who just wanted to know how they could do even better as “crisis” volunteers. They listened as Tracy shared her story and then asked questions of us both.  Previously our presentation at the Mayerthorpe Library was well attended by both men and women and has led to a visit next month to the Devon Library to share a book reading and discussion on November 22 at 7:00 pm. Registration is required by the 18th in order to attend.  Thanks to Mayerthorpe Librarian Marilyn for getting the word out that we are available to do such events! Another woman helping to change the world one reader at a time.

Last week I spoke with two powerful women at the Oilers gathering at the A & J Millar Centre. Kudos to The President of Whitecourt Minor Hockey Rand Richards and  another powerhouse woman, hockey mom and hockey director, Rhonda McKinnon!  Watch them go! 

Book Club Participants: Please note book readings by the authors of GROSS MISCONDUCT can be yours to create opportunities to have serious conversations regarding the safety of women and children.  Do not hesitate to connect with us to make that happen!
 
When women begin to GATHER, SPEAK OUT, TAKE LEADERSHIP ROLES, and STAND TOGETHER for changes needed in our society to STOP the subtle and overt violence against women and children, change CAN & WILL happen. Please share your book or grab it at the Whitecourt or Mayerthorpe library where books are available for purchase or loan.  Thank you to our librarians for making this happen!  

“Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world: indeed it’s the only thing that ever does”  Margaret Mead, Noted Anthropologist. 

LOVE SANDRA​