RnR Hot Stove - Ethical Decision Making

Happy November Everyone!  I love the 1st day of  a new month!  It is as though I rewire and revitalize my self-care focus by taking a deep breath into forgiving myself for the error of my ways the previous month and becoming excited to have a new chance at success!!   You know - that chance to begin again if I have skidded into the ditch with some of my definitive goals of self-care!  I hope I never stop my bizarre excitement at being given a fresh chance at success as the first of the next month rolls around.  LOL!  I love the nerd in me!  So come on November!  I am ready!

Last week I had the absolute delight of picking the brain of my  friend Sue Yackulic, a fellow U of A Physical Education graduate and an excellent coaching facilitator with the Canadian Coaching Association,  Susan teaches a course entitled Ethical Decision Making, a course every coach of every sport should be required to complete before he or she dons a coaching shirt. It is designed to assist coaches in understanding what ethical decision making is and what constitutes good vs bad choices in decisions a coach makes when behind the bench, in the dressing room, on the court or the bus with his or her team or one on one with one of his/her athletes behind closed doors or in front of his/her teammates.   What must legally be reported by a coach to Children’s Services? What could constitute a breach of the law if unreported? How do certain decisions affect the athletes in question? What is an ethical breach of conduct by a coach?  Some of these are questions coaches though well intentioned never think about.    

Now we have many wonderful dedicated coaches in our midst.  That is beyond question.  However, until a coach is fully aware of the ethical nature of certain situations, he/she may not have considered how his/her actions could possibly affect the athletes with whom he or she is working. The course offers many scenarios for coaches to consider and to increase their understanding of what constitutes ethical decision making.  

In our book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind we share the details of the actions of Ryder’s father in his attempts to discipline his thirteen year old son for his actions which had resulted in a suspension from school.  To punish Ryder his father took him to Value Village after this suspension, made him buy a dress and wear to hockey practice to humiliate Ryder in front of his teammates.  This was Ryder’s punishment for a poor choice he had made at school as dished out by his father.  As well his father, in order to doubly embarrass Ryder, shaved his head to the skin and told him he was not to wear a hat.  As Ryder suffered with psoriasis one can only imagine what this could potentially do to the self esteem of this young man but the kid did what he was told and when his coach told him he could change out of the dress for practice Ryder shook his head and said he couldn’t and since he seemed okay with it his coach went with what the boy said.  Now this coach was a man who chose to coach hockey because he wanted “to help kids become better players and better people” He was well intentioned.  He did not want to make a greater scene for Ryder so he went with what his player had said was okay.  Ryder continued his dryland training but his teammates, rather than making fun of him from what I understand, stuck right by his side in the drills as this tenacious young lad completed the dryland training in a dress.  The coach did not want to make it worse for the boy and because Ryder seemed okay with wearing the dress there was no follow up.  Who knew that Child Services should have been contacted to investigate possible child abuse by Ryder’s father?   No one seemed to think it was a big deal.  Everyone in the hockey world seemed more concerned about the boy writing a letter regarding his school misconduct rather than with his father’s humiliating and abusive behavior in selecting such a cruel punishment for his son.  There was no follow up.  His mother was not informed regarding the dress incident until Ryder’s younger brother spilled the beans to her regarding the dress.   In my mind, it appeared that coaches were not aware of a responsibility to report such behavior or perhaps at that time such had not been known to coaches that such should have been reported to Child Services.     

Susan Yackulic , Facilitator, shared that she has been using this example in her presentations where coaches learn what they ethically and legally are responsible to report.  In the Ethical Decision Making Class participants explore situations that require them to make ethical decisions. Suspected child abuse by a parent is one such area that must now be reported. Coaches must be educated as to their responsibilities in making ethical decisions.  Discussing situations where good decisions must be made in the best interest of children requires coaches to understand what that involves and what it means.  What does a coach dressing down a player in front of his peers do to a child?  What does a coach swearing and berating players behind closed doors in a dressing room do to a team?  Though many coaches are well intended volunteers they MUST be educated as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in our sporting venues..  

As Hockey Canada is now forced to take responsibility for reportedly using player registration monies to cover up abhorrent sexual abuse by CANADIAN Junior Hockey players, the hockey world is in crisis. So many sponsors have removed their support until this mess is cleaned up.   

Coaches in all sports can have a tremendous impact on the self-esteem and behaviors of our young athletes and have a potent effect on the mental health and self confidence of their players by how they are treated by their coaches.  If coaches use outdated tactics, discipline strategies and abusive behaviors in their quest for a “winning” team or if they are uneducated regarding what is ethical and unethical behavior in the coaching realm, they can do serious harm to their athletes.  Inappropriate behaviors must be reported and action taken.  Hockey Canada is certainly in crisis.

   Parents too who are attempting to fulfil their own unrealized dreams through their children with an excessive focus on their child’s success on the court/ice or field can also be detrimental to the mental health of a child under extreme pressure to succeed. Coaches must know how to handle such situations or have resources to help them with difficult situations that may arise.   

 As well parents too are often afraid to speak up on behalf of their child because they know their child will see less playing time or be punished in subtle ways if a coach is confronted for behavior unbecoming a “significant other” in their child’s life.  Parents must speak up when they see things are “offside” How can they do that without impacting the child’s experience if a parent speaks up? Perhaps …..confidential parental and player evaluations must be a part of our sporting culture so our little athletes  can relish the skills and abilities from those willing to become better educated in working with young people and wanting to have a positive impact on their charges. Being a coach is a huge responsibility and ...a privilege.  Becoming a good coach requires learning how to best teach, impact and influence one’s players in a positive way and understanding what is motivational and what is detrimental to a player’s development.     

A coach is in a position of power and influence.  It is a tremendous responsibility and I believe those paying the price for their child’s involvement should have a chance to confidentially evaluate what they see and hear regarding coaching behaviors – both good and bad.  The aim of such should be to ensure each child has the most positive experience possible in the playing venue.  Such should not be considered a negative by a coach but rather a chance to provide a coach with increased tools in his/her kit bag in his/her role as coach or ….to relish some of the good things that people/athletes are experiencing under his/her tutelage.  Maybe our sporting associations could provide our coaches with such opportunities to increase their skill and knowledge levels identified as needing attention rather than funding coverups for unconscionable behaviors! Maybe some former sponsors could work in this realm to assist in the training of minor sport coaches to enhance the overall experience for our budding athletes.  May such is already underway!

Discussions must be held to provide the most positive experience for every child registered in their sport.  Yes coaches in minor sports are volunteers and yes coaching takes a lot of time.  However the impact a coach can have on our youngsters cannot be overstated and such individuals must be well trained and their behaviors well monitored as well as appreciated for the time and effort given to the sport.  It is truly a privilege to coach a group of kids.  Ask me!  Try coaching a group of unruly 15- and 16-year-old males who got us kicked out of the league for their questionable behaviors on the court but in the short time I had the opportunity of being their coach they grew not just as athletes but as young men learning about logical consequences for their questionable behaviors.  That needs to be a strong focus for our coaches – creating good citizens and learning what it means to be a good team member.  Wining isn’t just about the score on the score sheet.  COACHES MUST BE WELL SCHOOLED IN APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE METHODS OF WORKING with our young citizens because they have a tremendous influence on our budding athletes.  

The course Ethical Decision Making offered by the Canadian Coaching Association is an excellent course for both parents and coaches.  Please think about educating yourself about the importance of coaches and parents knowing the difference between ethical and unethical behaviors on and off the playing surface.  It is our hope that the book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind will be added to the Canadian Coaching Association list of relevant resources for coaches enrolling in their many excellent courses. I’ll be sending them a copy of our book this week! 

                            Love Sandra