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WELCOME TO THE R&R HOT STOVE

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Hot Stove was initially a baseball term says Wikipedia.   My husband tells me that in Canada the Hot Stove actually refers to the hot stoves in the “skate shacks” across Canada where kids would “fry” their wet mittens as they warmed up and wiped their runny noses between stints on the ice in the skate shacks beside the ice rinks that dotted our prairie towns!  Who do you believe?? LOL!  My friend Ross Meek- athlete, coach and former PE teacher would speak about his ‘team’ of colleagues adopting the term to describe their gathering together in ‘Hot Stove’ conversations early each Monday mornings after a weekend of watching NHL teams compete in Canada’s game.  

Each MONDAY MORNING you will find a Hot Stove post here on our website.  The focus will NOT normally be about hockey although the passion of two beautiful young hockey-playing boys named Radek and Ryder was certainly front and centre when the boys were alive and the hockey theme runs throughout the book.  We plan to give the reader further insights into some back stories and delve into our objectives as writers of this powerful narrative.  We will profile the incredible courage of a mother and her counselling therapist in the telling of a mother’s love story.  We will also share the actions of those who have helped a grieving mother in the mending of her broken heart as she continues to work on finding a degree of meaning and mastery since the death of her two boys on December 19, 2016 in a brutal senseless act of filicide by their biological father. 
Sometimes the topics will be passionately HOT like that of a burning stove aimed at stoking your courage to find your voice about things that matter in ending all violence against women and children in our society.  May our words encourage you to speak from the rafters of every arena in concert with our aim to end such violence.   Sometimes hopefully we will also bring a grin to your face as we share our connection on this road as client and therapist since 2017. 

                                                                                                                                                SANDRA YOUNG KOLBUC   ​

RnR Hot Stove... Intergenerational Trauma

7/25/2022

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GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!  Excitement reigns along Hwy 43 this week as Pope Francis, head of the Catholic Church,  travels to attend the Lac Ste. Anne pilgrimage site near Alberta Beach. First called Wakane or God’s Lake by the Alexis Nakota Sious Nation who live on the west end of the Lake and Manito Sahkahigan or Spirit Lake by the Cree, Lac Ste Anne is one of the most unique gatherings in North America. Each July thousands of pilgrims make their way to the shores of Lac Ste. Anne.  Many come in search of healing and spiritual renewal.  It has become the largest annual Catholic gathering in Western Canada. 
 
Yesterday Pope Francis began a historic visit to Canada to apologize to Indigenous peoples for abuses by missionaries at residential schools, a key step in the Catholic Church’s efforts to reconcile with indigenous communities in the healing of generations of trauma. As a therapist I recognize that intergenerational trauma is real and has filtered down to affect indigenous peoples as well as all those raised in cultures where trauma has been a part of their history.   The annual Pilgrimage was established in honor of Saint Anne, mother of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  The grandmother figure has always had a strong importance within aboriginal culture and we continue to see the importance of the grandmother in the raising of children in all cultures.   
 
Although I am not indigenous, as a grandmother of many, I recognize that my voice still matters.  I can still be….a dangerous woman! I can be a sage, an old crone, a woman with a voice to speak up about all such abuse of women and children and other vulnerable citizens. I want to be joined by many  grandmothers - indigenous and other - whose voices still matter -to lead us from the past into a new future free of the culture of violence and abuse still so prevalent in our world in many different forms.  
 
This week we focus on reconciliation initiated by the revelation of the deaths of many vulnerable children ‘ raised' in residential schools by people commissioned to ‘ educate’ these young people - to take the INDIAN out of them! . Kids - ripped from the arms of their parents in order to take them away and teach them to be good Catholics and pray for the removal of their sins.  The thought of one of my grandkids being wrenched from the arms of their Mother or Dad by the RCMP or some such other authority rages in my guts!  However an apology from the highest leader of the Catholic Church and other such religious organizations is perhaps the beginning of righting the wrongs of our ancestors as many young vulnerable children raised in residential schools became ‘Good Catholics!’  once their total culture was destroyed in those institutions where they could not speak their language, wear their braids, see their parents, sleep with their older sister for comfort in the coldness of those institutions nor do anything but obey the big people who were their custodians.
 
May the  grandmothers in all cultures find their voices about issues regarding the continued abuse and violence against all peoples who have been and are still experiencing discrimination and bullying because of their size (aka children), their sex or sexual orientation, the color of their skin or their culture.  We as  'settlers’ have much to learn from the Indigenous culture and I am so touched as I read the accounts by Indigenous people brave enough to find their voices in the FINAL REPORT OF THE TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION COMMISION OF CANADA.  Honoring the Truth and Reconciling for the Future.  
  
 
May the words of apology of Pope Francis to our Indigenous peoples ring loudly across the skies.   We as women-both indigenous and other, who made steps forward in the tumultuous sixties with advocates such as Buffy Ste Marie to gain hard fought rights must not stop finding our voices about things that matter. Look at Roe and Wade?  WE MUST ALL BE DANGEROUS GRANDMOTHERS SO SUCH INJUSTICE AGAINST VULNERABLE WOMEN AND CHILDREN STOPS AND NEVER REARS ITS HEAD AGAIN in any form.  We are the SAGES. WE MUST USE OUR EXPERIENCE AND FIND OUR VOICES!  OUR OUTRAGE! OUR CONTINUED SUGGESTIONS FOR NECESSARY CHANGES. And may Pope Francis recognize the importance and the power of his words for our beautiful Indigenous Peoples ON THE SHORES OF LAC STE ANNE.
 
May many Indigenous grandmothers and grandfathers who experienced the pain of residential school find comfort from the words of one of the world’s greatest religious leaders in the quest to bring peace, comfort and reconciliation in all our relationships as we move forward in changing the world one interaction at a time.  May there be much healing for all those impacted by the residential school travesty and may THE GRANDMOTHERS CONTINUE TO FIND THEIR VOICES ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER AND JOIN US as we attempt to impact the culture of violence in our world by sharing one woman’s story in Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind. A Mother’s Love Story!
 
LOVE SANDRA

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    Sandra Young Kolbuc

    Sandra is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist  who has been in private practice since 1993. As an incredibly engaging speaker Sandra as a storyteller weaves together her adventures as a woman of the earth, a wife, mother, grandmother, professional therapist and good good friend finding joy and hilarity in life coupled with serious reflection on the challenges that exist in life.

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