R&R Hot Stove - 36

Good Monday Evening Everyone, 

The idea to write a column to keep potential readers interested in our progress on our Gross Misconduct journey seemed to be a good idea in the spring of 2022. We were going crazy trying to determine when we would have the actual books in hand!  Thus, I began writing the R & R HOT STOVE column while we waited rather …. impatiently ….for our books.  We had established a Gross Misconduct website and we wanted to keep the enthusiastic interest of our loyal followers and kept reiterating to everyone that the books would arrive……soon!!! 

Thirty-six weeks ago today on March 12, 2022 the indominable amazing STACY CROSSLAND our social media guru published that first R & R Hot Stove post.  I liked the HOT STOVE idea that had flipped into my mind as I explained in my first post.  At that time our book team was on pins and needles waiting for the delivery of our book order and frantically wanting to know when the book Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind would be available for our readers to purchase. Our goal was to gain Amazon Best Seller status but we had no idea when books would be available for our potential readers to purchase online. When could we begin to encourage those potential readers to buy our book?  Would we have our book order available for our Book Launches?  All of this uncertainty was new to us as neophyte writers.    Needless to say, it was extremely stressful as we attempted to plan events with no firm idea of when we would receive the books. Then, out of the blue Tracy’s cousin called one morning to tell Tracy that she had stayed up all night reading the book!  As Tracy would say “We were over the moon” with excitement!!  It was out there!!!!!!  It was not long before a delivery truck arrived at Tracy’s home filled with our books.  No notice.  Just arrived.  We were ecstatic but the learning curve was high! 

Over the last thirty-six weeks I have shared various aspects of our writing journey and hopefully added additional ‘food for thought’ for those who have taken the time to read posts I have shared on the Hot Stove.
  
Thirty-six seems to be a special number in our Gross Misconduct journey for it was 36 months from the time Tracy Stark asked me to write her story from my perspective as her therapist to the release of the book on March 23, 2022.  Since that first post I have pondered each week as to what to write to keep a focus on our goal of encouraging others to read the book and find their voices. I have attempted to shine a light on and bring awareness to the need for changes in systems that failed Tracy and her boys.  I have also continually encouraged others to find their voices about things that matter.  It has always been my hope:

1. THAT those living in relationships sharing the raising of children either in intact, separated or divorced circumstances will increase their vigilance and awareness of the danger to children when such ‘innocents’ witness and experience abusive behaviors between their parents or watch as the self-esteem of the injured party is eroded by bullying or coercive control. Through watching instances of physical, financial, mental or verbal abuse or being a party to such, children are learning how to do their future relationships! I share the following quote I continually share with my clients “WORRY NOT THAT YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT LISTEN TO YOU.  WORRY THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU!”
2. THAT readers who have bought the book and who have not yet read it will do so despite the fact that it is very very sad because …it is also a story filled with the courage, love, resilience and healing of a remarkably brave young mother willing to share her story to prevent further incidences of such violent acts of filicide and abuse against women and children.
   
3. THAT readers in the future as “the Village” will find their voices and intervene when things appear “offside” in the lives of children and others vulnerable citizens within their sphere of influence.
   
4. THAT those in positions of influence in the hockey world, the legal systems, children’s services, victim’s services, and the RCMP will read the book, ask questions, begin conversations and revisit policies and procedures that did not save Ryder Patryck and Radek Stryker nor provide a broken traumatized mother of two murdered youngsters with the support needed at the time of and in the days prior to and following their deaths.
   
5. THAT another mother or father will not come upon such a scene that Brent and Tracy Stark did on December 19, 2016 by changes being made to protect young children from violence and abuse.
   
6. THAT if YOU recognize yourself in any part of the equation: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA = ADULT DYSFUNCTION in  far too many instances and if YOU need help in dealing with your own past to change the story for your children, please seek help!

The positive comments that Tracy and I have received from those who have taken the time to read Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind have been truly inspirational in encouraging us to continue to bring awareness to others regarding broken systems and attitudes that do not work in protecting children and adults living in unsafe circumstances.  May you join us in finding your voice about things that matter. 

LATEST DEVELOPMENTS

1. My commitment to the writing of the R & R Hot Stove ENDS next week as Tracy Stark and I move forward to the next phase of our marketing journey.  If you wish to comment on any past columns do not hesitate to share your opinions, ideas or feedback which we will publish in the final column next MONDAY ….or …TUESDAY.  LOL!
   
2. THE R & R MEMORIAL FOUNDATION has transitioned to the R & R Empowering Society of Alberta  to expand the focus of the organization to include all children living in Alberta.  Herein lies Tracy’s greatest commitment to her sons by changing the lives of other young children needing a financial hand up to participate in a variety of life-enhancing pursuits including not only hockey but a wide variety of activities. One can learn more of this society and how families can apply for such assistance on the website. rnrempoweringsocietyofalberta.ca/

LOVE, SANDRA