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Hot Stove was initially a baseball term says Wikipedia.   My husband tells me that in Canada the Hot Stove actually refers to the hot stoves in the “skate shacks” across Canada where kids would “fry” their wet mittens as they warmed up and wiped their runny noses between stints on the ice in the skate shacks beside the ice rinks that dotted our prairie towns!  Who do you believe?? LOL!  My friend Ross Meek- athlete, coach and former PE teacher would speak about his ‘team’ of colleagues adopting the term to describe their gathering together in ‘Hot Stove’ conversations early each Monday mornings after a weekend of watching NHL teams compete in Canada’s game.  

Each MONDAY MORNING you will find a Hot Stove post here on our website.  The focus will NOT normally be about hockey although the passion of two beautiful young hockey-playing boys named Radek and Ryder was certainly front and centre when the boys were alive and the hockey theme runs throughout the book.  We plan to give the reader further insights into some back stories and delve into our objectives as writers of this powerful narrative.  We will profile the incredible courage of a mother and her counselling therapist in the telling of a mother’s love story.  We will also share the actions of those who have helped a grieving mother in the mending of her broken heart as she continues to work on finding a degree of meaning and mastery since the death of her two boys on December 19, 2016 in a brutal senseless act of filicide by their biological father. 
Sometimes the topics will be passionately HOT like that of a burning stove aimed at stoking your courage to find your voice about things that matter in ending all violence against women and children in our society.  May our words encourage you to speak from the rafters of every arena in concert with our aim to end such violence.   Sometimes hopefully we will also bring a grin to your face as we share our connection on this road as client and therapist since 2017. 

                                                                                                                                                SANDRA YOUNG KOLBUC   ​

R&R Hot Stove - System Inadequacies

11/9/2022

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Good Morning Everyone!  Okay I will admit….it is afternoon! Closer to evening!   The fire is ablaze in our fireplace counteracting the new snow that continues to fall. I love winter almost as much as summer and relish the opportunity as I finish this article to go for a kick sled on the fresh snow on our trails, my first ride of the season.  Being active has already been my way of being since I was a youngster. To me, looking forward to such activity is my medication to calm the anxiety I feel as I detail specific concerns I bring forward this November – The month designated to focus on Preventing Family Violence. 

As I organized and wrote the book Gross Misconduct, the companionship of my dogs was paramount.  Their calmness and their attentiveness to my demeanor were regulating for me as I learned the many aspects of the ‘rest of the story’ surrounding the lives and deaths of Ryder and Radek. Having grandkids just a little younger than Tracy’s boys, a grandson who had played hockey with them and a son who coached them brought me to being even more determined to get this book into the hands of as many people as possible.  It is hoped that others will, after reading the book, begin to have a better idea of the laws, policies and procedures designed to protect women and children but which a devastated mother feels “wretchedly fail to do so” based on her experiences and those of her sons murdered in an act of filicide (the killing of a child by a parent) and in this case – the killing of two children.) Hopefully individuals who read the book will begin to explore Tracy Stark’s concerns and speak up and out about inadequacies in various societal systems brought forward in the book. We hope we will find people questioning such policies and laws and create a force to be reckoned with regarding speaking about changes needed.  We have continually heard from other women (and men) who have been in situations where they too felt let down by such inadequacies particularly as related to matters of assets and custody in separation and divorce. And…since approximately 40% of marriages in Canada are said to end in divorce such is a real issue. 
​
PRESENTING AREAS TO BE EXAMINED:

THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
  1. Court Orders not being enforced.
  2. The Cost of getting a Court Order put in place
  3. The Wait Time to sit before a Judge who will make decisions regarding child             custody issues.

THE RCMP 
  1. Police unable to act on behalf of children if the individual displaying questionable behaviors is the other biological parent
  2. The disrespect and lack of empathy with which the mother was treated when at the scene of the crime and the subsequent treatment at the RCMP Station.
  3. The lack of trained professions to help manage the TRAUMA of what the mother and stepfather were experiencing as victims of a horrendous crime.
  4. Having to identify via pictures the body of the perpetrator

The MEDIA: 
  1. The continual harassment of the mother and step father to get “the rest of the story” with no consideration for the traumatic symptoms they were experiencing.

CHILD SERVICES
  1. The lack of serious intervention by Child Protective Services after receiving a detailed letter outlining the actions of the biological father from a mother afraid for her children’s safety
  2. Cheerleading the mother for her decision to move to the boy’s new home community rather than taking decisive action to intervene immediately on behalf of the children
  3. The lack of an investigation into the incident and the failure to involve the mother and/or step dad in such an investigation

HOCKEY ALBERTA
  1.  No follow up with the mother regarding suggested changes in procedures and reporting to Children’s Services of a 13-year-old boy with a shaved head arriving at hockey practice in a woman’s dress      
  2.  No call to the mother - the primary parent - regarding the obvious abusive actions of the father of a young hockey player arriving at hockey practice in a dress.

HOCKEY FAMILY
  1. No call of concern by any one to mother of a child arriving at hockey practice with shaved head and wearing a woman’s dress.  

It is our hope that highlighting such inadequacies will spark a desire by other parents/fans as well as those in positions of influence to look at situations that need attention.   MAY GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND  BE A POSITIVE VEHICLE FOR CHANGE on behalf of two innocent young boys. 

NOTE TO MY AMAZING CO- WRITER:  Not long after the boys died I know you lost your precious and beloved little bull dog Piper as well.  May you enjoy your new addition to your family, Tracy.   Nothing like a new puppy to brighten your days and …..bring you trouble!  She will be a great member of your household.  Have fun!! 


DEVON PUBLIC LIBRARY
NOVEMBER 22/22 AT 7:00 PM

BOOK READING, TALK AND BOOK SALES AND SIGNINGS with Tracy Stark & Sandra Young Kolbuc .
        
REGISTER BY NOVEMBER 17/22 at devonpubliclibrary.ca/events or call 780-987-3720
                                                                                         

LOVE SANDRA

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    Sandra Young Kolbuc

    Sandra is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist  who has been in private practice since 1993. As an incredibly engaging speaker Sandra as a storyteller weaves together her adventures as a woman of the earth, a wife, mother, grandmother, professional therapist and good good friend finding joy and hilarity in life coupled with serious reflection on the challenges that exist in life.

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