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Hot Stove was initially a baseball term says Wikipedia.   My husband tells me that in Canada the Hot Stove actually refers to the hot stoves in the “skate shacks” across Canada where kids would “fry” their wet mittens as they warmed up and wiped their runny noses between stints on the ice in the skate shacks beside the ice rinks that dotted our prairie towns!  Who do you believe?? LOL!  My friend Ross Meek- athlete, coach and former PE teacher would speak about his ‘team’ of colleagues adopting the term to describe their gathering together in ‘Hot Stove’ conversations early each Monday mornings after a weekend of watching NHL teams compete in Canada’s game.  

Each MONDAY MORNING you will find a Hot Stove post here on our website.  The focus will NOT normally be about hockey although the passion of two beautiful young hockey-playing boys named Radek and Ryder was certainly front and centre when the boys were alive and the hockey theme runs throughout the book.  We plan to give the reader further insights into some back stories and delve into our objectives as writers of this powerful narrative.  We will profile the incredible courage of a mother and her counselling therapist in the telling of a mother’s love story.  We will also share the actions of those who have helped a grieving mother in the mending of her broken heart as she continues to work on finding a degree of meaning and mastery since the death of her two boys on December 19, 2016 in a brutal senseless act of filicide by their biological father. 
Sometimes the topics will be passionately HOT like that of a burning stove aimed at stoking your courage to find your voice about things that matter in ending all violence against women and children in our society.  May our words encourage you to speak from the rafters of every arena in concert with our aim to end such violence.   Sometimes hopefully we will also bring a grin to your face as we share our connection on this road as client and therapist since 2017. 

                                                                                                                                                SANDRA YOUNG KOLBUC   ​

THE R & R HOT STOVE: FINDING THE TITLE FOR THE BOOK

5/9/2022

1 Comment

 
It is funny how the title of the book came to me as I began to write. I was not long into working with Tracy Stark when I knew I wanted to use hockey metaphors in the book because hockey was such an important aspect of the story. Ryder and Radek were both young fanatic hockey players in the Whitecourt minor hockey program for a number of years before moving to Spruce Grove. Brent and Tracy owned the Whitecourt Wolverines.  My son Joseph coached both Tracy’s boys in hockey   My grandson had been their teammate and I had been a Gramma in the stands cheering them on!  And …..a whole swack of the Whitecourt and Spruce Grove hockey families had been unbelievable in their support for Brent and Tracy when Radek and Ryder died.

Oh yes.  The Title.  A Gross Misconduct is the worst penalty one can receive in the game of hockey.  It is well beyond the parameters of fair play and is severely punished.  It often involves a severe injury to an opposing player.  Well.  That was a good start.  

Then … Hitting From Behind.  I originally wanted this in red.  Such serious injuries to an opposing player can occur by being hit into the boards with force that causes severe injury and often concussions to opposing players.  Okay.  I now had two lines and yet I was not completely satisfied so I began racking my brain for a third line.  One always needs a strong ‘third line’ in a hard-fought endeavor. 

     I wanted a line to go past the pain, the tragedy of the story, the anguish, the hurt. I knew that many men would have trouble reading this book.  I had been told the same.  Too sad they admitted.  Yes! It is sad BUT another mother must never come upon what Tracy Stark did in finding her boys! Man bashing, they wondered.  No! It is not man bashing.  I sympathize with all the men who were told as little boys that big boys don’t cry!  I ache for men who have been raised in a culture of male toxicity.  

    What do Tracy and I want and need from our male readers?  We want men to read the book and reflect on how they can use their power to STOP the incredible injustice of the abuse of children to get back at a mother who had had enough of the coercive control displayed by a man in his role as husband and father.  A man who had committed a crime far beyond the call of a gross misconduct penalty. Tracy never anticipated being hit from behind by the father of her beautiful boys!   BUT Then….. Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind was…… only a part of the story.  I needed something more…….

Something that reflected the tears, the love and the empathy that emanated from all the fans in all the stands, all the citizens in the communities of Whitecourt & Spruce Grove who attended the vigils, those who stopped by with food and drink and hugs for months following the tragedy, the friends who sat at their table during the Christmas season of 2016 who would not leave their grieving friends alone between the critical incident and the funeral. All the kindnesses, all the notes, all the facebook followers from around the world who continue to post beautiful emails of support for Tracy since that fateful December 19, 2016 .  All those who take the R & R stickers and place them around the world so her boys can see the world!

As well I needed something to express the connection that continues to exist between Tracy and her boys which will never die.  Before our first interview with Global News as we sat in the parking lot waiting to head inside for an interview Tracy sees a RYDER company truck passing  by, turns to look at me and says “Sandra.  I always see Ryder Trucks when I need a little courage and today I now know my Ryder is here for me.  For us!”  Coincidence or…Synchronicity?

 Yes.  I needed words to bring in the LOVE.  The LOVE of soooooo many! The love of an incredible husband named Brent who did everything in his power to take care of his grieving wife, the mother of Ryder and Radek as he continued to whisk her away when her sharing the story with me became too intense.  Too dark. Too painful. Thus it was three years before we were able to sign off on the last page of the book.

Then it came to me like many answers come in the silence of the bush when I walk the trails of the Kolbuc Quarters…It was simple …..A MOTHER’S LOVE STORY.  GOD!  I loved the sound of it.

GROSS MISCONDUCT HITTING FROM BEHIND A MOTHER’S LOVE STORY.  Nailed it!!!  But then…….The publisher said we could only have two lines in the title!   Damn…..  So I ask all readers to please note the back of the book where you will find the third line of the original title - A MOTHER’S LOVE STORY.   The  ‘Wrap Around’ Winner!!!  LOL!       

                                                                                                                              Love,
​                                                                                                                              Sandra


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1 Comment
Susan
5/10/2022 01:39:27 pm

Excellent choice for a title😊💕

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    Sandra Young Kolbuc

    Sandra is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist  who has been in private practice since 1993. As an incredibly engaging speaker Sandra as a storyteller weaves together her adventures as a woman of the earth, a wife, mother, grandmother, professional therapist and good good friend finding joy and hilarity in life coupled with serious reflection on the challenges that exist in life.

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