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WELCOME TO THE R&R HOT STOVE

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Hot Stove was initially a baseball term says Wikipedia.   My husband tells me that in Canada the Hot Stove actually refers to the hot stoves in the “skate shacks” across Canada where kids would “fry” their wet mittens as they warmed up and wiped their runny noses between stints on the ice in the skate shacks beside the ice rinks that dotted our prairie towns!  Who do you believe?? LOL!  My friend Ross Meek- athlete, coach and former PE teacher would speak about his ‘team’ of colleagues adopting the term to describe their gathering together in ‘Hot Stove’ conversations early each Monday mornings after a weekend of watching NHL teams compete in Canada’s game.  

Each MONDAY MORNING you will find a Hot Stove post here on our website.  The focus will NOT normally be about hockey although the passion of two beautiful young hockey-playing boys named Radek and Ryder was certainly front and centre when the boys were alive and the hockey theme runs throughout the book.  We plan to give the reader further insights into some back stories and delve into our objectives as writers of this powerful narrative.  We will profile the incredible courage of a mother and her counselling therapist in the telling of a mother’s love story.  We will also share the actions of those who have helped a grieving mother in the mending of her broken heart as she continues to work on finding a degree of meaning and mastery since the death of her two boys on December 19, 2016 in a brutal senseless act of filicide by their biological father. 
Sometimes the topics will be passionately HOT like that of a burning stove aimed at stoking your courage to find your voice about things that matter in ending all violence against women and children in our society.  May our words encourage you to speak from the rafters of every arena in concert with our aim to end such violence.   Sometimes hopefully we will also bring a grin to your face as we share our connection on this road as client and therapist since 2017. 

                                                                                                                                                SANDRA YOUNG KOLBUC   ​

THE R & R HOT STOVE - Media Day

4/25/2022

2 Comments

 
Good Monday Morning Everyone

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!

    The past week has again been filled will many incredible moments. Interviews at Global Edmonton News with Sara Ryan, CBC Edmonton TV interview with Nancy Carlson and CBC Edmonton Radio’s meeting with Rod Kurtz who were all great hosts with wonderful teams who provided us opportunities to speak about the book.  Speaking is my “game” and I cannot believe how nervous I am when in front of the cameras or answering questions on the radio!  I have been so focused on writing the book the last three years and now it is out there and doing so well it is almost overwhelming as we attempt to bring awareness to our readers with the rest of the R & R story. My heart is continuing to race as I join Tracy on the high stools opposite Nancy Carlson our beautiful host for our CBC Edmonton TV interview.

    Tracy who has continually told me she is terrified of public speaking has been rocking all these interviews interspersed with a few tears as she has recounted her heartbreaking story. Today I am  there to be her support but honestly… I am a mess!  She is perched on a stool in the studio looking like a Vogue model when I finally arrive to sit beside her. My heart is racing as I take my seat.  

    Of course, it did not help that when we arrive at the CBC Offices I cannot find my Vaccination Passport required to enter.  Tracy tries to help me locate the document on my phone. I have no recollection of where it is.  No clue.  Haven’t used it since the beginning of March! I tell her I will phone my daughter Kristin and to go ahead to the interview.  I can’t even remember my last name at this point as I am unbelievably stressed.  Tracy has to leave as our hosts are waiting for us upstairs.   I watch Tracy as she waves good bye to me with a big smile, wishing me luck in finding the Passport.  She enters the elevator to head to the interview. I feel totally abandoned! I have travelled to Edmonton for the interview and now I won’t even make it into the studio.  I remind myself that maybe that is a good thing!   

    Then, with pounding heart, I call Kristin, one of my three daughters who take turns giving me ‘tips’ about organizing my life, to see if she could remember where the darn document is on my phone.  No answer.  My blood pressure is rising by the second. I call again. She is at the Dance Festival in St Albert braiding the hair of one of my granddaughters for the next performance.  She drops the three strands upon receiving my emergency 911 call and rushes in to rescue mode to save her mother!  Thank God for her memory of where she had pinned my document in her phone.  She texts it to me.  I display the code to the fellow at the desk.   SUCCESS!  I race into the elevator.  I can’t remember which  floor where I am to go to!  There are only three for god sakes.  I take a chance and push 3.  I remind myself “I am the therapist! Tracy needs me to keep her calm!” I breathe so deeply for two of the three floors and then at the third exit the elevator, heart still racing but so calm…. On the outside.  My distress hardly noticeable to my wonderful hosts who greet the “late” therapist with beautiful smiles. I remove my hat.  Donna, our marketing guru, has warned me it might cause a shadow.  My hair is a mess!  I can’t find my comb in my purse.  I know it is in there somewhere but…..  
​


    Nancy rushes me to her dressing room and loans me a comb and assured me her entire make up kit is mine if I need it.  Now that is very special. In the presence of another beautiful model!  Nancy helps flip my hair into place.  I template off her cool and composed manner.  I return to the lights and take my seat beside Tracy searching for a degree of serenity. It has to be here somewhere!  She smiles warmly at me.  My mouth is dry.  I am far from peaceful on the inside. I need water.  What if I start to choke and can’t speak??  The camera man obliges before he wires me up. Nancy is extremely patient and cordial. Thank god I am wearing black and they can’t see my heart beating out of my chest which they might if I were in white …although they might still hear my old ticker thumping loudly as I do.  

    The questions begin. I continue to breathe and feel the support of my stool. I am the therapist. I need to be the calm one. I am actually shaking!  Sitting next to me…… is my client speaking with such composure and gradually calming me down with her poise and her ability to hit the high points of the “whys” of why we were writing the book.  She keys in on the systems that failed her.  She speaks of the many Court Orders she had in place -written and paid for - but not enforced.  The lack of support at wanting to remove the boys from the home of her ex-husband after a series of incidents that led her to believe the boys were in trouble. The cry for help directed at the RCMP who told her they could not touch her ex-husband because he was the biological father.  I feel my body settling. Tracy glances over at me and nods. My first line centre is passing me the puck. I breathe in.  I am ready. I have regained my ground. I begin to speak of Tracy’s greatest desire of having the short lives of the boys to make a significant difference in the lives of other children. What a great pass! Right on the tape! The interview is on and I’m in it!  Thanks “McTracy!”  

Until next Monday!

Love Sandra

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2 Comments
Kathy (Katie) Dyer link
4/25/2022 08:04:23 am

Sandra and Tracy, I'm not one to leave comments very often or at all for that matter, but I just have to for you two. To let Tracy know how often I think of her and the incredibly strength that she exudes to all around her. Although my son and I moved away from Whitecourt 8 years ago, it is always home for us. How Whitecourt has rallied around Tracy and Brent makes me proud to call it home. 💞 Sandra, you my girl have been and will always be one of my favorite people. When I found out that you were walking side by side with Tracy, I knew she had the best of the best as a co-pilot. My copy of your book has just arrived and I will read it with my hand on my heart for you and the boys 💞💞💞 Love and Strength always

Reply
Susan
4/30/2022 09:37:49 am

So proud of both of you for writing this book. Your work has and will continue to make a positive difference in the lives of many children and their families. Peace and strength to you on your inspirational path😊🙏💕

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    Sandra Young Kolbuc

    Sandra is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist  who has been in private practice since 1993. As an incredibly engaging speaker Sandra as a storyteller weaves together her adventures as a woman of the earth, a wife, mother, grandmother, professional therapist and good good friend finding joy and hilarity in life coupled with serious reflection on the challenges that exist in life.

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