THE R & R HOT STOVE - W5 Episode

Good Monday Morning Everyone

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!
    
     I contemplate what I know I want to write about this morning. Thoughts are swirling through my brain as I have been disturbed by the documentary entitled Parents Who Kill which I purposefully and painfully watched Saturday evening on CTV’s W5.  The account of another mother’s story of abuse and coercive control followed by the filicide of her child in February of 2020 was extremely disquieting.  I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise as another mother shared her story of the behaviors she had endured from her ex-husband. She spoke as well of trying to raise concerns about her ex’s controlling abusive behavior to a judge who reportedly told her, her concerns were not relevant to the custody situation. Her desperate request for help to stop access of a father whose behaviors smacked of potential danger were not acted upon in time to save her daughter. 

    There was a pattern in the reported behaviors of the perpetrator that was close to that of the blatant behavior of the father of Tracy’s two sons.  I felt my guts clench as I watched and listened to the mother’s reported experience and was moved to hear of the path, she has chosen to bring awareness to changes needed in laws, policies and procedures to bring accountability from those in positions of influence and authority to change inadequate laws and practices in the protection of children. I commend the W5 Team for tackling such a critical topic.

    To be totally honest I did not even know the meaning of the word FILICIDE, the act of a parent killing his/her child, before Ryder and Radek died. When Tracy became my client, I wanted to learn as much as possible about the topic so I connected with Canada’s prolific expert in this area, Dr Peter Jaffe, Professor Emeritus Faculty of Education, at Western University.  Dr. Jaffe’s knowledge in the field of filicide and violence against women and children was a critical piece of last night’s W5 program where he shared his thoughts during the broadcast.

    When I had emailed Dr. Jaffe when I first began firing questions at Tracy and beginning to write on the topic of filicide, I received an immediate response and plenty of excellent resources. From then on I referred to Dr. Jaffe  as “my new best friend” for he enriched my knowledge base in doing therapy with Tracy Stark and in the writing of Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind. 
  
    His response when I contacted him was:  Thank you for sharing your book writing project.  I am glad you are there to support Tracy and Brent. The book cover says it all. It is such an overwhelming tragedy and one of the only ways to cope is to find meaning in helping others as you are doing together.  I hope you will find these resources of value in your writing.  All the best.  PETER

    Throughout our years of writing the book we would hear of other instances of filicide.  Tracy did not feel it was right to include such heartbreaking information regarding the tragedies of others in our book.  I knew there were many emotions she felt upon hearing of another act of filicide. However, such events increased Tracy’s resolve to share her experience and that of her boys with as many people as possible in a move to end such atrocities. 
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    I know with all my therapeutic skills I cannot protect her from whatever she was feeling when she hears true stories like those in the W5 interview although, like many, I wished I could.  

    What I do know is with the publishing of our book we are now totally on task to share Tracy’s perceptions of what needs to happen to hopefully lessen such atrocities. I am sure this will not be the last time a documentary team covers this topic as even greater awareness is brought to producers.  Kudos to those at W5 brave enough to shine a light on such bullying behaviors as well as the invisible wounds of coercive control which are detailed in the book. This topic will be taken seriously as more and more people increase their knowledge surrounding abuse and violence against women and children.  Perhaps many will hopefully change their mindset regarding the rights of biological parents and the safety of children in situations of mental instability, rage or addictions in separated, divorced or intact families.

    When such an act of filicide occurs, we, as parents and grandparents or simply caring humans cannot fathom that a parent could actually kill his or her own child. We hear of such an event and it sickens us. We ache for the aggrieved parent and loved ones.  However, we often hear no more of the situation when there is no trial when a perpetrator takes his or her own life. Such silence has not been the case in Tracy’s story where Radek and Ryder still live strongly in the hearts and minds of many as evidenced by the continual support Tracy receives every time she posts on Facebook regarding the boys and her struggles with what happened to her boys at the hand of their father.

    In our writing of Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind Tracy and I go further in our concerns and keep ever before us the hope that many will read the details, hear Tracy’s passion and commitment to finding meaning, as Dr. Jaffe says, by sharing her experience and those of her sons and perhaps collectively beginning to transform such a culture of violence in our society in the name of Ryder Patryk and Radek Stryker ….one reader at a time.   
​                                                                                                                            Love, Sandra