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WELCOME TO THE R&R HOT STOVE

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Hot Stove was initially a baseball term says Wikipedia.   My husband tells me that in Canada the Hot Stove actually refers to the hot stoves in the “skate shacks” across Canada where kids would “fry” their wet mittens as they warmed up and wiped their runny noses between stints on the ice in the skate shacks beside the ice rinks that dotted our prairie towns!  Who do you believe?? LOL!  My friend Ross Meek- athlete, coach and former PE teacher would speak about his ‘team’ of colleagues adopting the term to describe their gathering together in ‘Hot Stove’ conversations early each Monday mornings after a weekend of watching NHL teams compete in Canada’s game.  

Each MONDAY MORNING you will find a Hot Stove post here on our website.  The focus will NOT normally be about hockey although the passion of two beautiful young hockey-playing boys named Radek and Ryder was certainly front and centre when the boys were alive and the hockey theme runs throughout the book.  We plan to give the reader further insights into some back stories and delve into our objectives as writers of this powerful narrative.  We will profile the incredible courage of a mother and her counselling therapist in the telling of a mother’s love story.  We will also share the actions of those who have helped a grieving mother in the mending of her broken heart as she continues to work on finding a degree of meaning and mastery since the death of her two boys on December 19, 2016 in a brutal senseless act of filicide by their biological father. 
Sometimes the topics will be passionately HOT like that of a burning stove aimed at stoking your courage to find your voice about things that matter in ending all violence against women and children in our society.  May our words encourage you to speak from the rafters of every arena in concert with our aim to end such violence.   Sometimes hopefully we will also bring a grin to your face as we share our connection on this road as client and therapist since 2017. 

                                                                                                                                                SANDRA YOUNG KOLBUC   ​

THE R & R HOT STOVE - Whitecourt Book Launch

5/30/2022

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Good Monday Morning Everyone!

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY

This past weekend Tracy and I had the incredible pleasure of meeting and reacquainting ourselves with so many beautiful people as they waited for us to sign their copy(ies) of the book Gross Misconduct Hitting from Behind.  We were so looking forward to launching our book in Whitecourt where five and a half years ago so many from our community stood outside the Stark home with love and compassion emanating from their hearts in support a couple broken open by the senseless deaths of two beautiful boys.   We saw a grieving Mom named Tracy attempting to stay strong and speak to us all focusing particularly on talking to young friends of Ryder and Radek to ease their confusion and their pain and to attempt to dull the collective sorrow of us all with her strength in managing her own profound grief as a mama who had lost her babies.      

 Today we shared a beautiful space at the Whitecourt Golf and Country Club with many who had been a part of that crowd.   With many who had crossed the threshold of the Stark home that fateful day to hug Tracy - who had greeted every person who landed on her doorstep with a hug.  She never hid in a back room in her profound sorrow.  As she told me later “I felt that people who came to pay their respects deserved me to show up in response to their support.”  Sometimes it was others comforting Tracy.  Other times it was a grieving mother comforting people also traumatized by such a heinous crime which impacted our communities of Whitecourt and Spruce Grove so deeply.  

As I sat beside Tracy today at our event adding my thoughts and signatures to many books I heard and watched my co-author interact with so many in her engaging manner blending with those touched by her strength as they shared their own stories. Far too many have said they are living or have lived some aspect of her story as a child or in a past or current tumultuous relationship fearing for their own children. Others spoke of their wanting to express their admiration for her great courage in sharing her story.  I listen as she speaks with another about wanting her boys’ lives to make a profound difference in the lives of other women and children so another mother never experiences what she did on a cold winter morning in 2016.  I hear her say that she is still a mother looking after her boys by telling her story and wanting changes made in Ryder and Radek’s name.

She continues to speak from her heart to each person who comes to our table.  She is comforting, sharing stories and profoundly engaged with each of those who come forward. 
Her courage and energy as she speaks pridefully about her boys is contagious. We all laugh or smile when she shares joyful stories of her sons.  Everyone who leaves our signing table has an invisible vial of courage and tenacity and-I hope – HOPE that together we can impact decision makers of the need for change to prevent further instances of the abuse of women and children.   She finds her voice in our book.   She speaks about i laws, policies and procedures ineffective in our society to protect vulnerable women and children. Of laws protecting biological parents’ rights more than innocent children. 

As we begin to speak about our book I tell her that I have written a script that we could use when we speak to groups as she once told me rather profoundly that she was terrified of public speaking.  When I propose the script she gives me that big smile and says simply “No Thanks.  I just speak from my heart now!”  Yes she does….. and there are two beautiful boys looking down and after observing their mother in action these last two days and ….as I listened closely I think I heard Radek saying “You scored big today Mama.  Top Shelf!”  followed by Ryder adding “Not bad Mom! But.. Keep workin’ on your shot!”  LOL.  And that she is!  

Great to be on your team McTracy!  Let’s continue our bid for even greater victories in our quest to change the culture of violence in the lives of women and children by not only writing but continually speaking about the “unspeakable” with others. Please join our team!  And…by the way…..GO OILERS!

                                                                                                                               Love Sandra
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    Sandra Young Kolbuc

    Sandra is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist  who has been in private practice since 1993. As an incredibly engaging speaker Sandra as a storyteller weaves together her adventures as a woman of the earth, a wife, mother, grandmother, professional therapist and good good friend finding joy and hilarity in life coupled with serious reflection on the challenges that exist in life.

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