THE R & R HOT STOVE: WHEN THE UNIVERSE CALLS

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would be writing this exposé with my client, Tracy Stark.  However, as the indelible Oprah would say ‘When the universe calls, answer.’  My call came in April of 2019 when Tracy asked me to write her story from my perspective as her therapist. Since 2005 I had been utilizing self-regulation therapy in my counselling practice. Having studied under the tutelage of two brilliant mentors who had established the Canadian Foundation of Trauma Research and Education (cftre.com), the study of trauma and how to work with such became my focus as I sat with those brave enough to cross the threshold of my office and sit in my blue chair.  So many amazing clients shared their stories, their wounds, their victories and their unbearable pain in that blue chair. Tracy was one of those courageous individuals.

            I did not answer a resounding YES that day Tracy made her request to have me write her story from my perspective as her therapist.   Rather, I said I would think about it. (I include a summary of our conversation – including some excerpts from Chapter 58 - Yes! I said the 58th Chapter - 74 chapters in total in the book plus a few bonus sections and many great pictures! Total Number of pages:  Get ready for it …374!)  Here it is:  
 
            “Tracy sits quietly, her eyes closed, inhaling and exhaling the molecules in the air between us. We had just gone back to a difficult moment during our interchange as client and therapis.t She is exhausted from our evocative emotional work today.

            As we finish, I sit there in silence reflecting on her request for my involvement in telling her story and that of R&R. I am deeply moved by her request, her confidence in me, the totally unknown writer.  This would be unfamiliar territory for both of us if I say yes. Suddenly her eyes become wide open as if she has discovered her second wind.

             “So…when can I have your decision?” she asks and quickly adds “Honestly Sandra, if you do this with me, I promise you, I will answer every question you put to me!”
            I start to laugh softly as she looks like she is expecting an immediate answer! I feel like I am in court.

            ‘Oh sure’ I respond. “Ask me when I am vulnerable and my heart is aching for you!” I sigh as I think about her plea, softening my voice as I say gently “I so admire your courage in thinking about getting your story out into the world Trac! I know you want to ensure your boys’ having lived will make a difference in the world!”

             I know I should give myself a little time before I make a decision. However, my creative mind has already gone to overdrive, thinking of possibilities of how to tell this heartbreaking story.  I attempt to slow my thoughts and come back to the moment.  Writing certainly is one of my many passions.  My goal in working with women had always been to help others of my gender find their voices and the valor to speak their truth about things that matter and ….my client is now on a mission to do just that! 

            “Sandra” Tracy says “You have convinced me that my story is bigger than me.  That in telling it I can perhaps prevent a replay of what happened to my children in the life of another mother!  Please don’t abandon me now, Sandra.  We are just beginning…
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            “God Tracy.  Now you are using guilt!  Of course, I will not abandon you!  But I am not a professional writer.  I have never published much at all other than a few newspaper columns in our small-town papers and a handful of blogs on my website.

            Again, she just looks at me “Sandra I have so much more to share.  We have dealt with learning how to manage some of the post-traumatic stress responses I continue to experience particularly on specific dates.  I have been actively grieving. We could move forward and tell ‘the rest of the story’ in a book rather than through my random posts on Facebook!  That is what you said I should do!  In many ways, I am becoming a different person.  A different person with a vision and a mission!  You knew my boys.  You know me.  I don’t need a professional writer.  I need you!

            I remain pensive, touched by her intensity.  Suddenly she interrupts my reverie.  “Sorry but…” She looks at her phone.  “I have a nail appointment at 5 pm so I had better leave now.” 

            She stands as do I.  In the time we had worked together, I had never realized how much taller she is than me.  I wonder if she is trying to intimidate me as she stands so tall, making eye contact with that look of dogged determination in her eyes!  She leans in, gives me a hug, and leaves my office, closing the door gently behind her before I can lodge any further reservations about my writing with her. I return to the comfort of my chair to…think. 

            Suddenly the door bursts open again and I see her red Wolverine claws, soon to be mauve for Easter, clutching the door frame as her blonde head pokes around the corner and she says with conviction “And thank you MY WOMAN! We will make an incredible team!  See you next week!”  And then…she is gone.
 
             I sit transfixed in my chair, shaking my head, wondering…What the hell just happened?
 
 
                                                                                    Until next Monday!           Love Sandra
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