The R&R Hot Stove - Another Tragedy

Happy Monday Everyone!

Last month we hear of another tragic school shooting of children by a ‘child’ of eighteen in our country to the south.   An 18 yr old man-boy who was once an innocent child like all the children he blasted away in the craziness of a Monday afternoon.  How could this happen??  Again???? Why are so many of these horrendous events perpetrated by young men?  What the hell was going on in his twisted mind?  What happened to this child-man in his own life that led him to do the unspeakable?    Who protected him as a child? How did he arise to commit such a horrific crime and change the lives of so many families without batting an eye until he too lay dead?    

I sit and think and there is no making sense of this.  What happened to this man-child’s brain to have him take his rage out on innocent little kids?  We look for answers in his growing up years.  We look for clues that help us determine why he did what he did.  I go back to the topic of my Master’s Thesis:  Is mankind basically good or basically evil?  We all shake our heads again in disbelief, aching for the parents of those innocent little kids. Aching for the parents of the shooter.  Aching for the shooter.  Aching for the police officers who…waited.  Aching that these kinds of events continue and influence other potential shooters. The trauma in every citizen overflows with direct or vicarious trauma.  Some will simply dissociate so they do not think about such an event or they have witnessed so many on TV  or in real life and True Crime stories that another event like this means nothing. Or there is the talk: “ Thank God it wasn’t my kid, our school!”  But life goes on.   Politicians will wonder how to handle this to ensure they still cater to the ‘lobby’ groups so they will be re-elected.  Everyone is left wanting. Wanting answers.  Why??????  Wanting change.  

Remember the song of the sixties 

“Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.  Let me walk with my brother (or sister) in perfect harmony."

What do these events do to all children who witness the atrocity on the television or Ipad?  What are we teaching our children?  To be fearful perhaps and lie in bed worrying.    Or That watching violent shows on TV is not real so it is okay?  Or that violence is no big deal.  Well it is!  What does watching such violence do to the brains of our kids?  Research it.  Everyone has google.   Anxiety levels in children have escalated exponentially.  However continually watching the same scenes over and over normalizes such behavior in our society.  Another hate crime?  Another school schooling.  Just a part of our culture?  Let’s change that!

What is the first step to alter the trajectory of the next school shooter?  Is he in Grade 12, a drop out, in Grade 4 or flashing a toothless grin in Grade 1?    And what changes are needed to prevent such actions????  Who failed to do their jobs?  What does yet another school shooting say about the democratic society to the south? What are we doing differently in Canada to prevent such travesties?  Do we need armed police officers in every school?   in every classroom?  What happens to the brains of innocent little children participating in drills to know what to do if this sort of thing happens in their school?  Who sold that young man the ammunition? The weapons?  I continually wonder what happened to this young man in his own story?  I continually wonder how such shootings increase the anxiety of our children and grandchildren when they hear or read or see on TV such atrocities.  And perhaps the biggest take away from my writing today is a repeat from the book

“Worry Not that your children do not listen to you.  Worry that they are always watching you.  Violence is not simply physical abuse.  It is verbal abuse, financial abuse, intimidation, violence by dreaded silence, sharp sarcasm, threatening behaviors, shouting fiercely, scaring your kids, unwanted sexual touching and …..ignoring, withholding LOVE.  None of these belong in a healthy home.  It is continually raising the heart rates of those in one’s  circle of influence in a negative manner.  Such creates physical, emotional and mental challenges that last long after childhood.  I know.  I am that therapist hearing  such stories of childhood abuse or trauma emanating from my blue chair all the time.  

 Why is the profile of all school shooters so similar?  What drives it?  Google it!  Where does the hate come from?  I have learned that childhood trauma so often yields adult dysfunction.  I have read nothing of this recent school shooting to confirm or deny that in this case.  I turned off my TV at the news of yet another school shooting.  I wanted to throw up.  Like many iIt sickens me that these events continue to happen.  What are we teaching our kids?  Much media is filled with so much violence repeated over and over and over. When an event occurs, nothing is titrated.  It is there in all its ‘splendor.’ often for the developing brains of young children.  And  our kids and grandkids are right there watching it over and over and over.  Turn it off for God’s sakes.  Protect their brains.   Why do we applaud legalized violence on the playing field, in the ring or the ice or in our TV shows.    Why do we allow violent video games in our children’s lives?  We as parents and grandparents are our children’s greatest teachers.  We must all work to bring the best versions of ourselves to those we bring into our world to infiltrate the acceptable of such violent incidents in our world.  

Filicide is an act of a parent killing a child.  That is part of their story but it is not all. Tracy Stark is willing to share her life so that another mother/father never comes upon what she did in December of 2016.  It is also her journey in finding meaning for living to share her boys’ story sith the world and perhaps change the trajectory of another young child by sharing her experience…and her healing journey to have the boys;’ lives make a difference for another child.  I encourage you to be strong enough to read and feel the essence of Gross Misconduct Hitting From Behind.  It is truly a Mother’s Love Story to keep another child from harm.

May we wrap our collective arms around those who have lost their children in such tragic circumstances and start conversations about what needs to change at the deepest level of keeping children safe – physically, emotionally and mentally from acts of violence and abuse.
Changes begins when we begin to have conversations about things we never talk about!  May you be courageous enough to read our book and find others willing to share their thoughts as we look for solutions rather than bitch about problems and find our voices about things that matter.

Another Sixties Song pour out of my fingers:

One human hand can’t tear a prison down
Two humans’ hands can’t tear a prison down
But when two and two and fifty make a million.
We’ll see that day come round.

(Naturally I changed the word man to human)

We are all needed to change the culture of violence so rampant in our society) HOWEVER  LET’S BEGIN THIS PROCESS ONE READER AT A TIME UNTIL WE JOIN HANDS AND SEE THAT DAY COME ROUND.

                                                                                                                         LOVE SANDRA

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